Sunday, November 30, 2008

NaBlowMe, otherwise known as NaBloplomo

Today is the last day of blogging everyday, yes EVERYDAY, for the month of November. I failed.


As I read other blogs...

I see that they have followers.

WTF, how come I don't have followers? How come nobody reads MY blog, as I stomp my foot on the ground.

I know I can be pretty heavy at times, actually kind of depressing here and there, but that's just cause what's been going on lately in the dysfuntional train wreck family. I "think" I can be funny and interesting? Can't I?

Oh well, I suppose it matters not.

Just as long as you buy my book, if I ever get it written and find a publisher to publish it. I'm just saying.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Sit right down and I'll tell you a tale... (long)

Rewind: August 2nd 2008.(Some have heard this story, so I'm going to try to make it short, but I'm not so good at that, really - I'm the queen of pontification) My oldest boys wedding day. My sister, who is 34 and strung out on meth and xanex and Valium, who has been a hair cutter/hair doer for 18 years, offers to do the bridesmaids hair. It began badly. Wedding at 5, pictures at 3.. hair to be done by 2. Five bridesmaids, strung out sister supposed to arrive at 10am, arrives with my girl at 12. Messes every ones hair up, no one is happy and everyone (but my girl) now must go elsewhere to have their hair fixed. No pictures at 3. Pissed off bridesmaids and my son was pretty pissed too. My future daughter in law had her hair done first by someone else, wise choice. Before all this, I got my son and his new bride a room at the same hotel we were at since they couldn't afford a honeymoon and I couldn't afford to give them one, I did the best I could. Strung out sister kept insisting that we decorate the room. Couldn't understand when I said "There is no time". Why wasn't there time? I had to be at the wedding place by 430p, but couldn't check them into their room till 4. NO TIME! Now, strung out sister didn't do the obvious thing, which is take her wedding clothes with her to get ready after doing hair... I check the kids in and take off on the drive that is about 40 minutes away. 10 minutes into my drive, my father calls to tell me that I must now find strung out sister, who has ran out of gas on her way back to the hotel. Takes me about 15 minutes to find her, another 15 or so to get gas and find her car, which btw she had no idea where it was. Now, I'm pissed because I'm going to be late for my sons wedding. I get there about 10 minutes to 5. Sons wedding is beautiful, strung out sister never showed up. What was she doing?? Heh, let me tell you...

Breaking into my room, my fathers room and my sons room. My room, to steal my Valium, my fathers room to steal whatever he had in there and my sons room, to "decorate".. oh wait, how did she get in the rooms? She created a horrendous scene in the lobby, they said she was hysterical thus they gave her room keys (and in doing that, none of OUR keys worked upon returning to the hotel)Let's talk about the decorating for a moment. Grabbing flowers, roots and all,from the front of the hotel rooms, putting them in a trash can and the bathtub, dirt everywhere, also losing my daughter in laws wedding night outfit somewhere in the mix. Daughter and I get to the hotel at 1130, son and his new bride arrive around 1230.. knock on strung out sisters room for outfit, had to get new keys for room, then watched as strung out sister had some sort of complete tantrum outside both rooms, causing others to come out of their rooms (I didn't hear a thing, sound asleep). My son and new bride went to the front desk, talked them out of calling the cops and asked for a new room, which the front desk obliged. There's so much more, (like the fact she stole liquid Oxycontin from our dying grandmother) but lets fast forward now.

Thanksgiving, 2008 and Surprise Arizona. Strung out sister has put together 78 days sober. I stopped talking to her until just recently when I saw she was making an effort. (a little tiny rewind again - 6 years ago she met a man that is 3 years younger than our father. They have had an off and on relationship. He was a prick to her and she was a well.. you know the word, starts with a C..yeah well it was a volatile relationship to be sure)Some how they hooked up again, after the wedding (father and her mother kicked her out of the house after the wedding and she hooked up with him again, both moving to Tucson a month ago). They came to Surprise, Az for Thanksgiving...I was happy to see her, while I don't like "him" much, it WAS nice to see her looking healthy finally...

Toasting at dinner. Toasting for dad to get a heart soon, toasting to the health of others. My stepmother (strung out sisters mother)says she has one more toast to make. "To my daughter and my future son in law"... WHAT??? Took about 30 seconds for it to bounce of my brain, back and forth, DID I JUST HEAR THAT?? nah, no way..SHIT I DID, I'm NOT crazy after all...(future son in law is older than his future wives mother and at 62, is 3 years younger than his future father in law)I thought dad was going to drop dead right there at the table. "I don't see no fucking ring" He finally says. To which sister pulls out a receipt for a ring that they are making payments on. (please note, again my future brother in law is 62, my sister is 34 and he has kids, the oldest being 3 years younger than her)...Can you see my head shaking while I still try to understand this. (BTW, my sister is gorgeous,5'7, 125 pounds, beautiful green eyes shaped like a cats, beautiful figure..simply gorgeous and he is quite frumpy. While he doesn't look 62 at all, he's just not what I would want for my sister (not because of his looks, but his age) - but I'll come to accept it and I'll stand next to her while she makes, what I and a few others think is the biggest mistake of her life.. she is after all my sister. Though it's contingent on her not going back to drugs, cause then I will walk away from her again)

She says she is happy, however she is the type of person who cannot take care of herself and has never lived, NEVER LIVED on her own before. He pays the bills, she isn't working, but this isn't unusual, since it's the same pattern with her mother and our father. She also came outside (we have to smoke outside) with a glass of wine and couldn't understand why I was pissed. "You're not sober anymore" I tell her.. "Yes I am" she replies. "No, you lost all those days you put together, when you picked up that glass of wine" I give back to her. "Alcohol isn't my drug of choice" she says, "Wasn't mine either, but I drink, I'm no longer sober" I tell her..

Denial is not a river in Egypt. It's a full force in the face of her, my future brother in law, her mother and our dad. Yet no one but me sees it. Odd how that works.

So, that was Thanksgiving around the table. There's more really, like what about children (she would like to adopt, he wants to get her pregnant, to which my daughter later on correctly commented on.."He wants her to get pregnant and have a baby so he can keep her trapped, cause she would never leave him if she had a baby" Though my daughter also said, "Mom, I really see down the line should she have a baby, things happening and you'll be raising the baby".. I don't know if that would happen, but if need be, I would take the child and raise it, even though I am nearly done raising my own.)

My family is probably the most dysfunctional family on the face of the earth. No wonder I want to write a book! It's like watching a freaking train wreck, not being able to turn away from all the blood and gore, wanting to throw up in your mouth, yet knowing no matter what, your going to keep on keeping on, watching this train wreck unfold before your eyes, wondering if you can do anything to help, but sitting back helpless, because there's simply NOTHING you can do for those who are walking around bloody and wondering what the hell just happened to them, they have to figure it out themselves and it's sad and happy and beautiful and sick all at the same time. Oh and yes.. I am one of the walking wounded, though there are times when I've walked away from the train wreck for months and years at a time.. but like I said, you can't really turn away, not for good, thus I continue to return.

And now that my father, who truly is a good man with a generous heart, but an odd way of showing his love, is so sick.. I have to be in the middle of the train wreck. I am the oldest child, I must be the strong one, the one who comes in and gets bloodier and bloodier because that is my lot in life as the oldest child.. or at least that is how I see it. Perhaps, one day I can walk away for good from this train wreck, but I know deep in my heart, I won't be going anywhere soon - not until he is healthy again and then we shall see. They say when you look death in the face, you change. I wonder if that will happen with dad.

And for your viewing pleasure, here is a couple of pictures of my father (who eerily looks more and more like my grandmother before she passed)standing with my beautiful daughter (17 years old) and my gorgeous baby boy (13 years old)Check out the curls on that boys head!!

And no, I haven't forgotten that I still have to write Pre 9/11 part 2.. soon, I promise.

Thursday, November 27, 2008


So, I slept about an hour. I was up at 4am and couldn't go back to sleep. It is now nearing 8am, I'm SO tired, but I just toss and turn. I went down stairs quite a few times to smoke and just got back from the breakfast thing they do, I got some fruit cocktail.

I'll probably lose it at some point today, being so tired.

I suppose I'll lay back and watch the Macy's Parade. Bah.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


We finally made it to Surprise Az. The drive seemed to take far longer than it has in the past. We are all exhausted and sore from sitting in the car. Unfortunately, Az is an hour ahead of Vegas, so we lost an hour and we didn't arrive till 10pm, 9pm Vegas time... Dad called about 930p and we were still another 30 miles out, so he decided to go to bed instead of waiting for us. The boy was supposed to stay with him for the trip, beginning with tonight but that didn't work out that way and now he is making me nuts..

"I'm hungry"
"Go to bed, it's almost 11pm"
"But I'm hungry"
"You've been eating all day and night in the car"
"But I'm hungry"

Me? It'll take me about another hour to go to sleep, which is normal for when I drive long distances. Damn non smoking rooms. I have to go outside in the rain and cold to smoke and it pisses me off. I'm too afraid of getting some sort of charge for smoking in the rooms so I usually go outside, but I also usually have a room on the first floor, this time we have one on the 2nd floor, so in my pajama's, I'll take the stairs down, maybe bring a book and smoke a bit to try and relax..

Just in case I miss tomorrow..

Happy Thanksgiving everyone

Surprise,. Az

For now, as my father waits, impatiently for a heart donor, he remains at his friend of 40 years, in Surprise, Az. It is about 30 minutes or so from the Mayo Clinic. He hasn't been home since August and while they've let him leave the hospital (not to go home and die, but to get stronger and healthier, they feared the hospital germs would make him sicker) he IS getting stronger, but misses home pretty bad. He can't come home, as it's too far away, he must be at the very most, an hour from the hospital... it's rather sad, he may not even make up here to see the girl graduate, unless he gets a heart and it's been a few months. Let's pray that happens. The girl is his favorite... though he's asked if the boy can stay with him while down there, makes it easier (and food wise cheaper), plus the girl and I can spend time together without him butting in... so maybe there won't be too much misery!

The kids and I are leaving around 330p to trek once again the 4+ hour drive to spend Thanksgiving with him. The girl and I hate this drive and she hates Arizona and Thanksgiving... I'm sure this weekend will be filled with some drama and miserable people.

We're coming back Saturday, though I had intended on staying till Sunday, I really need help with finding grants and financial aid for the girl for when she goes to college. I am ignorant in all this, so my friend Melissa has volunteered to help out. We'll be spending some of the day with her on Sunday. Thanks Melissa! You're a good friend to me.

Not sure if I'll be posting during the trip, I forgot to ask if the hotel had wireless.. heh. I asked if they accept pets, since we'll be taking the puppy with us and they offered up that there is an indoor pool.. I imagine they have wireless so who knows.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving... Think of me on Black Friday as I brave the crowds and shop!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Possible giveaway...

I've had the pleasure of a couple of emails back and forth with Immoral Matriarch. She's really nice. I asked her if I sent her a candle, would she plug it on her site for me,(she has tons of readers and it might strum up some business for me)She said she would be happy to do it and suggested that I have a contest and giveaway.

So, that is what I am thinking about doing. Putting together a small Christmas basket with probably 3 candles, different scents and sizes. I can't do it till after this week, but am going to try to get it made, send her a candle and picture of the giveaway and hopefully she'll like my candle enough to plug them.

Suggestions for who would receive the basket? First off, people would have to visit my blog, this one on Wisprnsoul, go to the post that has the giveaway picture on it and post a comment in the comment area. I'm thinking of a couple of different ways to win.. Keeping the contest open for a couple of days, then having one of the kids pick a random number and declaring that person the winner. Or on a more creative aspect, perhaps sharing their favorite Christmas in my comments.

What do you think? I am kind of leaning more to the random picking, making it the easiest way, but I also would love to hear about others favorite Christmas's. Anyone out there have any other suggestions as a way to win?

Right now, you can also visit Candlewealth/Soulwhispers to learn more about my candles.

NaBloPoMo..I think I missed a day or two..

Oh well, I blogged more than once, in one day a few times, so that has to count for something.

Lately I've been taking to watching Ellen DeGeneres. i never realized she was so freaking funny! She really is, I laugh everytime I watch her. Dude, if I could hang out with her, she'd probably have me laughing so hard I'd pee my pants.

Today, she was here in Vegas, taping her show at Cesar's Palace. In the showroom built originally for Celine Dion, but now being used by Bette Midler mostly and occasionally by Cher and Elton John. 4000 people in the audience, it was pretty cool.

As one of her guest, she had Bette Midler on and some magician. Bette is a fabulous comedian, singer and actress, I really enjoy her.. She also gave a woman from the audience 1000$ to play blackjack. The woman had never played and didn't know how to play, so Ellen coached her from the showroom. Ellen had her put the entire 1000$ in. She lost the hand. Then some dude gave her another 1000$ and she blackjacked on that, giving her 2000$, which Ellen told her to let it ride. She lost. One more time the dude gave her 1000$, the woman played it all and won... Ellen had her stop there and the woman got to keep the 2000$. I thought that was pretty cool of her.

As her last guest, she had Pink on. Now, I've never been fond of Pink for some odd reason, I'm a rather eclectic in my taste of music, Country and Western is my main staple, but usually when I take road trips I also listen to classic rock, blues, folk music and stuff like that.. Now, one day the girl was playing a song, slow one, that caught my ear and I asked her who that was and it was Pink. The song she was playing was, Dear Mr President lyrics. I really liked it, but not enough to go buy the CD. Today she sang So What lyrics (you can see the video to it at So What Video), it's awesome, so right now I have 2 favorite songs happening... Toby Keith "She never cried in front of me" and Pinks "So What".

While watching the video I realized that I knew the man in it, but I never knew he was Pinks husband. It's Carry Hart of Hart and Hunington Tattoo located in the Palms Hotel. Carry Hart is YUMMY! Apparently they are still very close, though separated and the song is about him (you really have to read the lyrics and watch the video, even if you don't like that kind of music). I'd love to get tattoo'ed by him, but he doesn't tattoo. (I've been wanting to open a tattoo parlor, but have been discouraged from doing so because I'm not a tattoo'er.. but Carry isn't either and he now has parlors in Florida, Cabo, Vegas and Hawaii, but he has the money to do it and I don't, que sera sera)

Of course I went out and bought the CD, well I got two of them, one for the girl even though she was with me, she didn't notice I bought two.. it'll go in her stocking. As soon as we got in the car, we stuck the CD in and turned it up full blast and began the short trek home singing to it at the top of our lungs. We didn't have far and I wanted to hear the entire song, so I took a detour. Tomorrow, I am calling my Karaoke store and find out if they have it. I SO want to Karaoke it.

And I think I might go to Hart and Huntington Tattoo for my next tattoo, unless of course their prices are way too high. I still need to post a picture of my newest tattoo. Wait, actually I have a picture of it, the one that was used to create mine.. hmm.. let me find it.. This is her, although I don't have the larger flower that seems to rest on her wings, I wanted it a bit different, so it is just to the right of her legs and much smaller than the one in the picture. She's still healing. My next tattoo is going to be either three peacock feathers on my forearm.. or a red bow on the back of my legs, down near my feet, like I am wearing stockings with little bows on them.

So, this should cover NaBlowMe Month for the day. But I feel more chatty, so maybe I might post something else. I still owe Pre 9/11, part 2, but I'm not up to writing about that at the present time, hopefully in the next few days I'll get it done.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Just in case I still have some of that good Karma coming my way..

I found this The Parent Bloggers Network on Motherhood Uncensored blogsite, so hoping that I still have some good karma coming my way and quite possibly can win a shopping spree at, well not exactly "at" like in going there and shopping, it's all done online and you have 12 hours to load your internet shopping cart...My favorite way of shopping, btw. I don't even have to leave the house!

So, my favorite game show is actually a new one that came out this summer called Wipeout which has me in stitches every time I watch it. But, I think they want an older favorite game show, so how about Deal or No Deal. I tend to watch that a lot. An even older one that I enjoy watching is Wheel of Fortune.

Now, lets cross our fingers that I am the lucky winner! If you're reading this, consider yourself tagged or whatever it's called and check out the site, blog it and maybe you'll win... but if you do, share your winnings with me, pretty please and get me... Fleurville sling tote which is cute and would make a great Christmas present for the girl, who likes things like this.

Don't forget to include the two links, that they ask you to, on your blog. I've got them above, but in case you miss them, here they are again...

Oliebollen and The Parent Bloggers Network.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Animal House...

I really should live on a farm. At one point we had 2 dogs, 6 ferrets, 7 cats (including kittens) a couple of hamsters and lets not forget the black widows that keep making their webs near my front door, no matter how many times I set it on fire....

We are now owned by 3 dogs and 6 cats (2 are kittens). I thought I would share a couple of pictures and their bio's with you all, whoever you are all.. I only have pictures of the dogs and my cat, Blizzard.

I don't seem to have a picture of Rio on this computer, I'll have to take a few at a later date. Rio is a Border collie/Australian husky mix. Black with white boots, a white stripe down her nose that has black freckles,with icy blue eyes. Rio is the best behaved dog in the world. In the 2 years we have had her, I've heard her bark, one time. Occasionally she will talk to me and she's an attention hog. She paws you to pet her and if your petting another dog, she'll bud in to get petted also. She sits, lays down, gets down, shakes and high fives. She also goes into her cage on her own when she's been bad. She guards her rawhide bone, even though she doesn't chew on it. Lately she's been taken to growling at Shylo when she gets close to the bone, something I've never seen her do before. (picture of Rio to follow in a few days)

Shylo is a purebred Australian Husky. (don't let the picture of her fool you) She's wild as can be. I've had her for about 7 months. She'll be a year old in Dec. She talks to me all the time and barks outside at people too close to the house. She growls at Rio when Rio goes near the food bowl, if Shylo is there first. If a rawhide bone is left unattended, she will grab it and run into the boys room, usually leaving it on his bed. There has been up to 8 bones at one time on his bed. I've only been able to teach her to sit and get the hell off my bed.She also has those icy blue eyes.

Then we have my cat Blizzard, who's just a year old. When he was born his back legs looked like frog legs and I figured no one would want him, so I made him mine or rather, he made me his. He jumps on the bed, puts his paws on my chest, rubs the top of his head on my chin. If I am laying down, he likes the top of his head kissed. (I have very strange animals)If that rare ocassion that I have a man over, Blizzard gets pissed. He sleeps with me every night, so in his mind, he punishes me by not being around for a few days, sleeping somewhere else other than with me. He's also a life saver. More than once I've woken up to him in my face, scratching me, while I'm gasping for air. I've stopped breathing a few times at night and he wakes me up. You can't tell in this picture, but he has the icy blue color eyes that Rio and Shylo have.

Then we have gazelin, our newest addition to the house. She is 5 months old. Chihauhau/shi tzu mix. She weighs 4 pounds and won't be getting any bigger. She is the girls dog. I paid 100$ for her. The day after we brought her home, we left for Phx. We took her with us, since I found a hotel that allowed dogs. The day we came home, I received a phone call from the woman who I bought gazelin from, telling me that a few of her puppies had come down with parvo. Gazelin had been lethargic for a couple of days and my gut feeling before the phone call was that she had parvo. We took her to the vet who didn't give us much hope, but did give us 200$ in medication for us to give her at home. Was either that or she stays at the vets for 300$ a night..Ummm.. no, I don't think so! We got lucky, she pulled through. She's not trained, just barely housebroken, but she goes in her cage at night and doesn't whine about it. She loves to give kisses and follows the girl around everywhere. Personally, I think she looks like gizmo the be the judge..

My other cats are Tiger, who's an 8 year old orange tabby.. that's what we get for letting a 7 year old girl name him. (we've had him since birth), he weighs about 30 pounds and is going bald. America, he's also an orange tabby, the boy wanted to name him red white and blue, thus the name America. He's 7 years old and we've had him since he was a few months old. Baby is a girl and keeps having kittens. (yes, I know, if I got her fixed that wouldn't happen, but I can't afford it just yet)I don't like baby much, well, no one in the house really likes her. The only time she is friendly is when she is in heat. Bah. Noodle is 8 months old, one of baby's kittens, she's a very dark calico.. truth be told, I'm trying to find a home for both baby and noodle (my daughter names all the cats, except Blizzard and America)and then there is Salt. A completely black kitten from babys last litter. Salt is the only animal in the house that is smaller than gazelin, so gazelin thinks salt is her very own personal toy.

So there you have it...

Life, in the animal house.

Someone asked me...

"Do you really read all those blogs on your blogroll?"

"Yep, I really do stalk..err read all the blogs on my blogroll" "However, there is a trick to stalking...uhh reading them. I don't have to read all of them everyday."

"I don't understand"

"Not everyone on my blogroll blogs everyday, I have it set up in order of earliest blogs posted, to later blogs written, so that I know who has recently posted and I go from there. Though sometimes it takes me an hour or so to get through them, sometimes longer if I decide to look at their blogrolls and click the link to another blog and start reading that one too... then if I like the first few posts, I usually add them to my own blogroll."

Yeah, I'm a bit obsessive... Living vicariously through other peoples blogs.

Pre 9/11, Sit down and I'll tell you a story...Part 1 rather long

You may have heard my story before, of how I came to live in the city where the neon lights grow out of the dirty desert, aka Las Vegas, twice. Yes, twice. Some of you might relate, even share a similar story, some may feel sorry for me (don't). What you will read today and subsequently the next few days (unless I break it up with more pictures of summer vacation 2006) is a part of my life that sometimes if I think about it too much will send me into a tailspin of depression. However, one day, I'd like to write a book, fiction of course, but based on my life. I'll start this story at the age of 25... and end it at the age of 27.

At 25 I had been in AA for 3 years and met a girl who was new to AA and living on the streets. I allowed her to come stay on my couch. We got along well enough and I liked her. One day she called me at work and said that her brother had just came to town and needed a place to stay, could he stay a few days... I said yes.

When I arrived home, the house was empty. So I got busy doing what I usually did after work, cleaned up from the night before, did the dishes, picked up the older boys (he is now 23) toys. Shortly after that, they arrived.

It was love at first sight. For me and I believe for him too. That night he was in my bed and remained in my bed for months. I learned a few days after he arrived that he was 21 and had just been released from Vacaville (a prison north of where we lived in the San Fernando Valley). That should have been a red flag and I missed it, or rather pushed it aside. What's that? Why was he in prison? Well... attempted murder reduced to assault and battery. That should have been a red flag and well, again I pushed it aside. I was in love.

Things went well for a long time, nearly a year. Then my best friend of 15 years slept with him.. or he slept with her and she claimed she loved him. (this man is very good at manipulating and charming his way into ones life, not to mention he was gorgeous, had six pack abs and large muscles). She came to me and told me this had happened. What she nor he knew... I had just found out I was pregnant with the girl. Yeah, I know, another red flag, sleeping with my best friend. Love really is blind.

Eventually it worked out, she found another man and he stayed with me (sort of). I wasn't drinking or drugging, he was and needed to find his drugs the best way he could... manipulating and charming other women.

Shortly into my second trimester the beatings began. Also at the same time, he began hanging out with another woman. He would stay away for days, doing meth with her, then come back to me begging to let him come home and I would let him. A week or so of everything going wonderfully, he would be gone again, usually after a beating - an excuse for him to leave and find that other girl with the drugs.

In the beginning of this other relationship she didn't know where I lived, but eventually she found out. Into my 3rd trimester, is how I found out about her. She knocked on my door asking for him. He went outside for a moment and came back in telling me that she just told him she was pregnant. I told him to leave, but he claimed he didn't want to be with her, he wanted to be with me. I asked him what he planned on doing about this other baby and he told her to get an abortion. She was still outside and he asked if she could come in and if I would talk to her.

She came in and he told her again... you need to get rid of the baby, cause I am staying here with her and our child that is due in a few months. I told her that I would take her and wait and take her home. I also told her if she ever knocked on my door again, I'd beat the living shit out of her.

She ended up having an abortion on her own somehow. My due date was coming up and so was Christmas. All was well at home, quiet really, at least so I thought. One evening we were up in the bedroom and I heard a whistle. A person whistling. A few times. I was finally suspicious and asked him what that was... it was her calling for him, something she'd been doing on a regular basis and I never knew about it. I finally told him to chose. He left.

I wouldn't let him back right away, unlike all the other times. It was Christmas Eve. The girl was dropped in position ready to come into the world head first, even though I still had about 8 weeks to go. He asked me to come outside and talk to him, since my oldest boy was in the house. There I got the beating of my life (or so I thought at the time) He threw me against the brick wall, flattened all my tires on my car (I had plans in the morning to drive to Big Bear, spend Christmas with my family. that didn't happen) That beating lasted for what seemed to be a lifetime. Christmas was spent eating McDonalds on the living room floor and one present for the older boy. No Christmas tree, nothing.

After that beating I decided I'd had enough, not only that, the girl flipped herself up and over so she was now breach.

For the next 8 weeks, he came and went, I was too scared to say anything, so I just let him in the house, never asked where he was or where he was going. His anger and rage was still prevalent and he had me fearing for my life. I rarely spoke to him and nearly always found an excuse to leave the house until I knew that someone else was in the house with us.

On Feb 7th, the girl came, c-section. I thought he should know, so I called his sister, who in turn called him. 4 hours later, he was there holding his daughter, begging me to let him come home, he'd changed and wanted to be a family. In the back of my mind and my gut both told me, Dude, he's not going to change, my heart said... look at him holding his daughter, he's changed completely and the past nightmare was finally over, it would be him and me and the girl, one happy family, my heart over ruled my gut and brain.

Things went well for a while. He came straight home from work, he helped with the baby, he helped me while I was recovering from the c-section. For a few weeks, life as I had always wanted, was mine.

And then, like a rerun, he was off and running again... with her. Back and forth, me to her, her to me, a viscous cycle to be sure. Then there was one week when he straightened up again and told her he was done with her... then there she was AGAIN at my door knocking. This time I brought her in the house, with clenched fists ready to kick her ass, had he not come out of the bathroom right then, I'd have probably fulfilled my promise of kicking the living shit out of her, he put me in a bear hug, reminding me the baby was right there and I still wasn't fully recovered from the c-section.. and that since she was there, we should hear what she has to say.. AGAIN this bitch tells us she was pregnant. He told her (without my saying a word) that he had the only child he wanted and that she should leave and never come back again.

Fast forward to when the girl was 8 weeks old. He had returned to his old habits, the other one was still around, though no longer pregnant. (I'm not even positive she was pregnant either times, but in her whacked out thinking, perhaps if he thought she was pregnant, he would leave us and go to her for good.)

By now, I was done. The beatings had stopped for a few months and I had my strength back after the c-section, my self esteem was coming back and no matter how much I loved him and I loved him with my entire being (to this day I believe he is my soulmate, though I haven't seen him or spoken to him in 17 years).. regardless how much I loved him, I could no longer live this way, so one day after he had been gone a few days, I simply locked him out of the house.

That last night, he broke the door down. He pummeled my face and body, black and blue. My roommate grabbed the girl and put her on the bed, trying to keep her out of harms way. He had ripped out all the phones, but for the one in my roommates room. The beating lasted about a half hour, roommates boyfriend wouldn't stop him from doing it, though he did tell him that the cops had been called. I'd never pressed charges before, but that time I was going to.

The police came, I gave my report, they wanted me to go to the hospital but I wasn't leaving my baby. They looked around the complex and couldn't find him, so they left...

10 minutes later, he had come back, had me by the throat trying to push me down the stairs. The girl was still on the roommates bed and I somehow got out of his grip and ran in there. He followed me and pushed me towards the bed, I fell about an inch away from her head. The cops were on their way again and something in me snapped.

He went out the front door, I grabbed a broom and held the handle over my head to beat him with it, when I walked out the door there were 8 cops, all with guns out and he was on his knees being handcuffed. Unfortunately, I created a distraction and only one hand was cuffed and he got away. They searched for him for 45 minutes until they found him. I was outside as he was being escorted to the police car and the last words I ever heard out of his mouth was:

"Kiss my daughter for me, I'll be back to do it myself"

I knew I had about 2 weeks to get out of the apt (we couldn't stay there anyways, he'd broken in the door). So, roommate, me and the girl went to live in a "welfare" hotel. It was a horrible experience, with whores and drug dealers knocking on our door all the time.

A friend of my fathers owned a condo, here in Vegas that was empty. He agreed to let us stay there rent free for a year. Dad had come to the hotel where we were staying and immediately got us a room in a much nicer, cleaner and less scary hotel, where we stayed until we got a UHaul packed up and ready to come to Vegas.

So, if you've made it this far, I'd be surprised. BTW, the girls father, had 2 more girls from that one girl, plus last I heard he had another child on the way. (This was about 6 years ago, when I was still keeping in touch with one of his sisters)I've gotten one child support check, which the government garnished his wages. How much was the check you ask? Are you sitting down?? You have to be sitting down for this one... the check I received (8 years ago) was for...

32 cents. Umm.. yeah, that's not a typo. I actually have it somewhere in the house so I can frame it. Maybe once I finish going through boxes that haven't been unpacked (we've lived here 5 years and I still have unpacked boxes!) maybe I'll find it and scan it.

That is the story about how we ended up in Vegas. I suppose it could be written better, but I'm sure you get the jist of the whole thing... (I'd left San Fernando Valley a few times before that, moving to various states here and there, but always returned to SFV, until this last time. Might be that I'll share some of those moves and why they happened.)

More pre 9/11 to come. And the picture, she's the real reason I finally left that situation. She doesn't know it (she knows about her father and the things he did to me), what she doesn't know is that she saved my life and I am eternally grateful to her for that. Perhaps, one day I will tell her.

Friday, November 21, 2008

More from Del Mar, California

Today, I'm sharing pictures from our trip to Del Mar, California. Tomorrow I think I will move on to Disneyland or MiWuk. I also found some pictures from a place in Az that we stopped at one time on our way back from visiting Dad.

The first one and last one speak for themselves, the middle one is the view from our hotel room at Del Mar Motel on the beach I hope to be able to go back there for a week or so, sometime soon.

The boys report card...

2 F's, a D, 2 C's and one A.

I understand that he missed a lot of school this first 1/4, due to us going back and forth to Phx. What I don't understand is why he didn't pick up his missing assignments and due them.

He claims that there was too much too do in three days (which is the amount of time he has to makeup work) He says that he turned some of it in.. but apparently not enough.

I'm seriously thinking about home schooling him.. anyone have any experience with home schooling good and bad? Share please!

Thursday, November 20, 2008


In 2006, my kids and I took a few summer vacations, something up till then they hadn't had the opportunity or money for a vacation, but thanks to my grandmother we were able to enjoy ourselves. Before that, a few weekend trips to Utah and the year before gram died we drove down to Los Angeles every 3rd weekend to see her, but we can't count those as vacations.

We spent a week at Disneyland, another week at
Del Mar on the Beach Which totally rocks, if I do say so myself. And another week at Mi Wuk Village Which so totally rocks more than the other 2.

So for as long as I can drag this posting each day, this month for NaBloPoMo, I'm going to post some of my favorite pictures from those trips, beginning with Del Mar. (btw, if you ever want to stay in Del Mar, stay at the link I provided above. A little wrink a dink, but it is right on the water and we had an awesome time there)

Life, in the vacation lane.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

In keeping up with NaBloPloMo...

I have a feeling that this month, having the pressure of writing everyday, after taking the challenge from NaBloPloMo to post every day for a month, my blogging will be rather boring.

I seem to have caught writers block. But, in keeping with my promise, I'll try to do the best I can, so as not to send you off in snore mode.

My father is on his way for his weekly checkup at the hospital, hopefully every thing will be ok and they won't keep him there, he gets so depressed when he is stuck in the hospital and I really believe that it brings him so down that he gets weaker. I can't imagine having to spend so much time in the hospital... All he really wants to do is spend time away from there. He does get stronger when he isn't in the hospital, which is very important, as he needs all his strength for when they find him a donor heart.

He's suppose to ask the doctor if he can come up here to Vegas, for one day to watch the girl graduate in June.. but who knows what will happen between now and June 12th. With any luck he will finally get his donor heart... however that will probably prevent him (if he gets it close to that date) from attending her graduation. She's pretty bummed that he might not make it for her graduation, but I am keeping positive thoughts that he will be able to. Of course I can take pictures, but that's just not the same.

She just texted me and she got her report card, all A's and B's other than PE which she got a D in, but that's because she missed a lot of school, due to us going so much to PHX. I'm dreading seeing Chance's grades. He also missed quite a bit of school, but hopefully he will get at least C's on his. I'm not upset about Tessa's D in PE, I understand - but I am so proud of her for her other grades and let her know.

Ok, so this counts as another day of NaBloPloMo, boring or not, at least I am keeping my commitment.

Life, in the NaBloPoMo lane...

Tuesday, November 18, 2008


In keeping with NaBloPoMo and the challenge with posting every day for the month of Nov, even though I got a late start...

The pictures below I took at my son and daughter in laws wedding, August 2nd, 2008...

The first one I call, "reflections" and the second one I call "love"

These are 2 of my favorites, I'll share more as time permits.

Monday, November 17, 2008


Huh? Yeah, I can see you shaking your head and wondering, dude, she's finally gone over the brink of sanity...

Well, maybe I have. I'll tell you in a moment why I decided to do this...

NaBloPoMo bloggers site. I don't know too much about it yet. It appears to have a monthly theme and possibly prizes. I'll need to read more about it on their website.

Now, this is the part you might think I have gone over the brink of sanity. This months theme is...


So, I know that I am kind of interesting at times. I can be a prolific writer, but esoteric. I do enjoy writing, so IF I manage to blog everyday for the rest of the month, maybe I'll be lucky if one or two posts are remotely interesting.

But, I have an ulterior motive as well...

Possibly getting a larger readership, while shamelessly plugging away my candles with the hope of getting my business off the ground floor. Heh.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

High School Theatre..

The girl has been involved in theatre since the first day of high school, 4 years ago. She's been in 13 or 14 plays. Her high school opened the year before her first day, so she's pretty much been in every play that theatre has done.

She's also been involved in every thing that theatre has done that wasn't a play. She's in the Thespian club, has earned 3 letters, works the fireworks stand every year the entire time it is opened, including at least one overnight. She's been to every Shakespeare convention in Utah, has worked the lights, made stages and props and well... she's been doing all of it. This year I asked her to cut back a bit on it - so she took only one class of Theatre when she could have taken 2. No big deal, I figured because she's been involved the whole time, she'd get some decent parts this year in the plays they are doing...

Last night was closing night for "Arsenic and Old Lace". This is one of 3 plays she is in this year and for some reason, the only play with actual lines - 10 minutes before the play is over she appears... and as usual, she did a stand up job with what she was given to do. The stage was probably the best one I've seen yet (which makes sense, since they improve each year). But, I am pissed, I've been pissed for a few weeks now and finally I spoke to the teacher last night about it.

Me: Ms Sax, I was wondering why, after all this time that she's been with you, she didn't get a better part in The Wizard of Oz.
Ms Sax: I didn't do the auditions for that play, Mr. Anthony did, it's a musical.
Me: Well, she is a munchkin in it, without any speaking parts and in Bye Bye Birdie, she's a parent without any speaking parts either. I think that it's very unfair, considering how hard she has worked these past 4 years.
Ms Sax: I didn't see the audition.
Me: You're in charge, are you telling me you have no pull at all? All she wanted this year was the wicked witch in Oz and she's a munchkin? It doesn't seem right.
Ms Sax: I can speak to Mr. Anthony about it and see if he would consider doubling up on the part.
Me: That would be nice, since (I say it again to make sure she understands how serious I am about this) she has helped you with everything and anything since she began high school.
Ms Sax just looked at me. (I know, boring conversation)

I have a few ways in which I can be intimidating. I don't think I was last night, as I am sick and just didn't have it in me to be mean and overbearing, it was all I could do to stand there and make it known that I wasn't happy how she's been treated... She thinks and I've begun to think the same, that since certain parents do more than just attend the show, those kids get the best parts - it certainly looks that way these past few plays. She's good, she's really good actually, she takes these shitty little parts and makes them come alive - if she wasn't good, I'd still go to bat for her like I did, but honestly, she is really good at acting, for someone who has no training. Could she be on a TV show or Broadway? Not sure, but is she very good for high school drama class? Yeah, she's above good.

So, she has 2 more plays in high school and she is done. She's a senior, she's good at what they give her to do, there's no reason a freshman or someone who has been there less than her and has worked less than her, should be getting all the good parts and she gets shit. I've told her to cut back on what she does for the class, both during and after school/weekends. She's disappointed she didn't get a better part in the other 2 plays and it tugs at my heart strings when she is disappointed. I realize that life isn't fair, that disappointments happen throughout our time on this earth.. however, this treatment of her is not right. She's been taught that good things happen when you work hard - I've also tried to teach her not to expect things, but even I couldn't help but think that her last year there, after all the hard work she has put in, she'd get some good parts this year - so both of us are disappointed... and I'm pissed.

My girl is pretty awesome. She rarely complains if at all, she finishes what she starts, for the most part she's a drama free as she can be - she's more mature than most girls her age and even older than her, are. She makes good choices, she's loyal and trustworthy. I want her last year in high school to be a good one with wonderful memories. I suppose they will come from doing other things and not theatre, which until this year has been her biggest passion (hence her working so hard since 9th grade for this teacher and class).

Oh well, such is life I guess. She'll get over it... maybe I will too.

Friday, November 14, 2008

It must be old age

Today around 5, I went to Sunflower Market (an organic food market, much like Trader Joes but larger). I was in there about an hour, mostly because I was looking for some papaya they had advertised at a good price, as well as some new vitamins that I've been wanting to go on. I couldn't find a few of them, so I'll probably need to go to the vitamin store.

But, that's not what this post is about, not really...

Before I go outside, after shopping or whatever it is, I get my keys out. It's 6pm and I'm checked out, looking for my keys in my purse... and

They aren't there! Panicked I looked around the store for them, no luck. I went back in my mind trying to remember what I was doing when I got out of the car, did I put the keys in my purse, or did I throw them in it as I am prone to doing, only to have them land on the passenger seat, I remembered that I was just finishing up a hour long call to AT&T trying to fix the cell phone bill that my father messed up the day before yesterday and I was frustrated. I don't remember anything about the keys, not putting them in my purse, or my pocket or latching them onto my purse (I have a hook thing I use when I remember) I have no idea what I did with the keys, but now I'm running out the store to make sure my Jeep is still there..

Oh, yeah... it's still there. Right where I left it.


Dude, the keys were in the ignition, the Jeep was running and I was in the market for a hour.. and it was still there, in the parking lot. The bagboy says, "Wow, you got lucky. Someone stole a bike from the front of the store the other day."

Luck? I'm thinking, yeah, luck. Or some good karma coming my way. What?I don't have good karma due to me?? Pfft.. I have some good karma coming my way, at least I should since apparently I'm going senile.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Phone call

Dad called about 8pm to let me know what was going on. He does those kind of things. Tells someone to do something and then he does it.

Of course he had more information to give to me than my space cadet sister. His vitals were down and some other thing going on that they wanted him back in the hospital to see if it might be the medication they have him on and as I already mentioned, draining the water from his blood.

These meds are what have been keeping him alive until a donor heart can be found. They are in IV form, as the doctors explained that pill form would kill him. He is not happy, aside from the fact he feels like shit, he's pissed that he is back in the hospital. So what happens if it's the meds that are causing the problems he has now, do they take him off them? When they are what's helping to keep him alive right now?

He says not to come down, that if we are needed, someone will call and let me know. He doesn't seem to concerned, least not now... Tomorrow he will know more from the tests they have done today. I hate that he is down there and not here at home where I can go see him as often as either of us can stand to be around the other.

I seem to have returned to that quiet detachment that I had before the last time we went down there. My emotions are flatlined. I can't take that emotional rollercoaster ride, it doesn't do anyone any good. Falling apart merely means I can't be strong for my kids.

I do pray for a donor heart to become available asap.. and then I feel guilty about it. I believe that is because someone else will have to die, in order for a donor heart to become available. That just sounds so terrible and selfish. I'm having difficulty reconciling these thoughts and have had a hard time with them since they first put him on the transplant list.

I think I need to work on acceptance more. Being more graceful and dignified in my acceptance of what will be will be and hold on to what I believe to be true, that a power greater than myself is pulling the puppet strings, always has, always will.


My father has been admitted back into the hospital. He had my sister call me to let me know and to tell me not to come down that he would only be in there for a few days. I suppose it's routine and something I guess will need to be done every few weeks or once a month...

They are probing his heart, making sure it is still functioning at 10% and hasn't gone lower. They also do this thing where they take his blood out, remove the water from it and put the blood back in him. He swells up with water really bad, his calves and feet get huge and it's painful for him. A few times one of his calves swelled up so badly that they literally exploded, causing an even more painful sore.

He doesn't want me to rush down there, so I'll just stay up here and impatiently wait. If it gets worse, we will go down.

The girl has her play this week, beginning tomorrow. Usually I go opening night, but I'll probably wait till Saturday. I'm not sure what would happen regarding a grade in theatre if all of the sudden we had to go down to Phx again and she can't be in the play. I think she would opt to stay home actually, since I usually give her the choice to come or not (though she must come with us during thanksgiving and the last time I didn't give her the choice because the doctors truly thought he would not make it through the weekend) She hates hospitals, but none of us like them and heh.. she hates thanksgiving too, so that weekend she's pretty much SOL. I'm not sure why she doesn't like thanksgiving, maybe because she's a vegetarian - but there's other food as we all know, not just turkey! She use to love turkey and one day she just stopped liking turkey and chicken and a month or so later she stopped all meat. It's difficult though, she eats too much carbs - pasta is her big thing, I can't get her to eat more veggies, even though I stock the fridge with veggies and fruits, specifically for her (ok, ok and for me too since I like to eat a lot of fruit) yet she would eat mac n cheese or Panda express every night if I let her.

Please send prayers and positive thoughts for my father.


I can go to sleep at 12:30am and without fail wake up at 1:15 every night. Then I am awake for an hour or two.

I'm so tired of not being able to get a full nights worth of sleep, I'd love to sleep even 4 hours in a row, but even with my meds, I can't sleep more than 2 hours at a time. Yet, 1:15 seems to be significant for some odd reason. I've thought and thought about it and for the life of me can not figure out why.

Tonight I woke up, to find that my cable was shut off... that meant the internet was off too. I *thought* I had paid the bill, but I hadn't.. duh. So there I am at almost 1:30am calling the cable company to make a payment over the phone and their stupid computerized system doesn't want to do anything but say, "I'm sorry I did not get that" then it goes through all the menus again. Took me 10 minutes and 4 calls, to get to the place I needed to be in order to give my CC to their system. As soon as it confirmed it, the TV was back on. Part of my habits of sleeping (good or bad) is having the TV on while sleeping. I also have to have a fan going, during both summer and winter, though during the summer it's right on me, winter it's turned slightly so it doesn't blow right on me..

The boy is like that too, has been since he was a baby. He used to crawl out of his crib at night and lay down on the floor under the swamp cooler, or if I was up, on the computer with a box fan on me, he would come and lay there. Now, he puts the box fan right on his face when sleeping. He has a difficult time sleeping without it, so we also have a traveling fan for him a small round fan that he puts right on his face. I don't know why he does this... he's weird.

I really just wish I could sleep all night. I'm up at 6am everyday now to take the girl to school and haven't been able to fall back asleep, like I use to, so by 8 at night I should be tired and I AM tired, I just can't fall asleep, not till usually after 10pm...

I just want to sleep like a normal person!!

Friday, November 7, 2008

Because, it was truly beautiful and needs to be remembered.

Remarks of Senator Barack Obama - New Hampshire Primary
Tuesday, January 8th, 2008
Nashua, New Hampshire
I want to congratulate Senator Clinton on a hard-fought victory here in New

A few weeks ago, no one imagined that we'd have accomplished what we did here
tonight. For most of this campaign, we were far behind, and we always knew our
climb would be steep. But in record numbers, you came out and spoke up for change.
And with your voices and your votes, you made it clear that at this moment – in
this election – there is something happening in America.

There is something happening when men and women in Des Moines and Davenport; in
Lebanon and Concord come out in the snows of January to wait in lines that stretch
block after block because they believe in what this country can be.
There is something happening when Americans who are young in age and in spirit –
who have never before participated in politics – turn out in numbers we've never
seen because they know in their hearts that this time must be different.
There is something happening when people vote not just for the party they belong
to but the hopes they hold in common – that whether we are rich or poor; black or
white; Latino or Asian; whether we hail from Iowa or New Hampshire, Nevada or
South Carolina, we are ready to take this country in a fundamentally new
direction. That is what's happening in America right now. Change is what's
happening in America.

You can be the new majority who can lead this nation out of a long political
darkness – Democrats, Independents and Republicans who are tired of the division
and distraction that has clouded Washington; who know that we can disagree without
being disagreeable; who understand that if we mobilize our voices to challenge the
money and influence that's stood in our way and challenge ourselves to reach for
something better, there's no problem we can't solve – no destiny we cannot

Our new American majority can end the outrage of unaffordable, unavailable health
care in our time. We can bring doctors and patients; workers and businesses,
Democrats and Republicans together; and we can tell the drug and insurance
industry that while they'll get a seat at the table, they don't get to buy every
chair. Not this time. Not now. Our new majority can end the tax breaks for
corporations that ship our jobs overseas and put a middle-class tax cut into the
pockets of the working Americans who deserve it.

We can stop sending our children to schools with corridors of shame and start
putting them on a pathway to success. We can stop talking about how great teachers
are and start rewarding them for their greatness. We can do this with our new

We can harness the ingenuity of farmers and scientists; citizens and entrepreneurs
to free this nation from the tyranny of oil and save our planet from a point of no
return. And when I am President, we will end this war in Iraq and bring our troops
home; we will finish the job against al Qaeda in Afghanistan; we will care for our
veterans; we will restore our moral standing in the world; and we will never use
9/11 as a way to scare up votes, because it is not a tactic to win an election, it
is a challenge that should unite America and the world against the common threats
of the twenty-first century: terrorism and nuclear weapons; climate change and
poverty; genocide and disease.

All of the candidates in this race share these goals. All have good ideas. And all
are patriots who serve this country honorably.

But the reason our campaign has always been different is because it's not just
about what I will do as President, it's also about what you, the people who love
this country, can do to change it.

That's why tonight belongs to you.

It belongs to the organizers and the volunteers and the staff who believed in our
improbable journey and rallied so many others to join.

We know the battle ahead will be long, but always remember that no matter what
obstacles stand in our way, nothing can withstand the power of millions of voices
calling for change. We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics who
will only grow louder and more dissonant in the weeks to come.

We've been asked to pause for a reality check. We've been warned against offering
the people of this nation false hope.

But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false
about hope. For when we have faced down impossible odds; when we've been told that
we're not ready, or that we shouldn't try, or that we can't, generations of
Americans have responded with a simple creed that sums up the spirit of a people.

Yes we can.

It was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the destiny of a

Yes we can.

It was whispered by slaves and abolitionists as they blazed a trail toward freedom
through the darkest of nights.

Yes we can.

It was sung by immigrants as they struck out from distant shores and pioneers who
pushed westward against an unforgiving wilderness.

Yes we can.

It was the call of workers who organized; women who reached for the ballot; a
President who chose the moon as our new frontier; and a King who took us to the
mountaintop and pointed the way to the Promised Land.

Yes we can to justice and equality. Yes we can to opportunity and prosperity. Yes
we can heal this nation. Yes we can repair this world. Yes we can.

And so tomorrow, as we take this campaign South and West; as we learn that the
struggles of the textile worker in Spartanburg are not so different than the
plight of the dishwasher in Las Vegas; that the hopes of the little girl who goes
to a crumbling school in Dillon are the same as the dreams of the boy who learns
on the streets of LA; we will remember that there is something happening in
America; that we are not as divided as our politics suggests; that we are one
people; we are one nation; and together, we will begin the next great chapter in
America's story with three words that will ring from coast to coast; from sea to
shining sea – Yes. We. Can.

Also, if you haven't seen this Yes We Can/Will.I.Am.


A good friend of mine suggested that I check out this woman called, Flylady at That she "LOVED" it. Apparently, it's some woman who sends out emails on getting organized when to go to sleep yada yada yada...

So I thought, what the hell, I'll check her out. I love this friend of mine and I trust her completely...

Well... I DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Heh.

Dude, I signed up for this woman's emails and I get no less than 15 a day from her, telling me what I should be doing, telling me what time to go to bed, telling me how to do this or that or this or whatever... I stopped reading the emails after the second day.

I just don't have the organizational skills, determination or yeah, energy to read all those freaking emails every day.

I'm still signed up, but I just hit the delete button. I don't dare remove myself from her email list, just in case I one day find the organizational skills, determination, insanity or energy to read her emails. Heh, it helped Melissa (or so she eludes to when she said, and I quote "I love Try it." But now I think it was an evil plot to drive me crazier than I already am). Friends. Sheesh.

On another note, I got a new tattoo yesterday. A cherub with her knees pulled up and her face buried in her knees, pink fluffy wings and a pretty purple flower. It looks awesome and as soon as I can figure out how to take a picture of it (it's in an odd spot on my forearm) I'll post it.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Change, we need.

I sit in awe of the history that has just happened. Something I knew would happen in my kids lifetime, but not in mine and I am so damned grateful to be alive, moderately healthy, moderately sane to have been able to make it through all those damned commercials and see THAT ONE become our next President.

DAMN. FUCKING. AMAZING. I just can't say it any other way.

Now, we wait, we watch, we believe, we hope and we pray that he will do the things that he has promised... first on my list - lets end this war, bring our extraordinary men and women in Iraq and Afghanistan home, finally.

I know most are hoping for a change in the economy first, but ending the war is top on my list. It's alright if you disagree, that's part of living in the land of the free, we can agree to disagree.

God Bless America.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Yes We Can.

Was there ever any doubt?


It will all be over and we will have a new president. Good Fucking Bye Bush! Watching CNN it's difficult to tell who it will be... but the democrats have taken over the Senate, needing 51 seats to get a majority and currently they have 52, though as I type this is could have gone up....

It looks to me though that, THAT ONE, will be our next president...

We shall see. I'm not staying up till 1am though to find out... I'll just find out in the morning.

Monday, November 3, 2008


I lost 8 pounds, in 4 weeks. I'm a bit discouraged about that but the doctor said that that was good progress, 2 pounds a week is good. blah.

I bought this stuff a while ago called Dermafine-MD about 3 months ago, it's for stretch marks. So I experimented with it and used it only on one side of my stomach. It actually WORKS! So, now I will use it on both sides. Way cool.

Tomorrows the elections, thank god. NO. MORE. CAMPAIGNING. COMMERCIALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YAY