I'm alive.

Been without internet or computer for a while. Long story short.. money.

Not sure how much I will contribute here right now, things are really messed up at home finacially and other things. Oh how I wish I could leave this town and start new.

My father will be returning to Vegas this month 2 days before my 45th birthday. He never received the heart transplant as he became too sick for it and was removed from the UNO'S list. They did place a LVAD wire in him and now he is limited in all that he does.

I will be grandmother soon. Sept 26th, my granddaughter Nova Ruby is to join us in this world. I am very excited.

Right now it's 4am and I am on my sleep cycle of sleeping during the day and up all night again. I can't seem to break it as hard as I try.

I am sorry to those that I owe things to from Monday Giveaway. Currently I do not have the money for postage and packing materials. I just barely have enough to pay bills and buy food for the kids. I'm not even sure I'll be able to keep my internet on again, but cross our fingers that I can.

I'm off to try to sleep. More later.

Not sure

That I like the seasonal background I put on this blog here... it kind of reminds me of those people that wear Christmas sweaters. Yuck. Gross.

But, trying to be in the moment of the holiday, I'll keep it there till Dec 26th (which coincidentally is the same day I take down our Christmas tree!) Then perhaps I can find something festive for New Years.

Off to try and get some sleep.

Sleep...

So, I slept about an hour. I was up at 4am and couldn't go back to sleep. It is now nearing 8am, I'm SO tired, but I just toss and turn. I went down stairs quite a few times to smoke and just got back from the breakfast thing they do, I got some fruit cocktail.

I'll probably lose it at some point today, being so tired.

I suppose I'll lay back and watch the Macy's Parade. Bah.

Insomina

I can go to sleep at 12:30am and without fail wake up at 1:15 every night. Then I am awake for an hour or two.

I'm so tired of not being able to get a full nights worth of sleep, I'd love to sleep even 4 hours in a row, but even with my meds, I can't sleep more than 2 hours at a time. Yet, 1:15 seems to be significant for some odd reason. I've thought and thought about it and for the life of me can not figure out why.

Tonight I woke up, to find that my cable was shut off... that meant the internet was off too. I *thought* I had paid the bill, but I hadn't.. duh. So there I am at almost 1:30am calling the cable company to make a payment over the phone and their stupid computerized system doesn't want to do anything but say, "I'm sorry I did not get that" then it goes through all the menus again. Took me 10 minutes and 4 calls, to get to the place I needed to be in order to give my CC to their system. As soon as it confirmed it, the TV was back on. Part of my habits of sleeping (good or bad) is having the TV on while sleeping. I also have to have a fan going, during both summer and winter, though during the summer it's right on me, winter it's turned slightly so it doesn't blow right on me..

The boy is like that too, has been since he was a baby. He used to crawl out of his crib at night and lay down on the floor under the swamp cooler, or if I was up, on the computer with a box fan on me, he would come and lay there. Now, he puts the box fan right on his face when sleeping. He has a difficult time sleeping without it, so we also have a traveling fan for him a small round fan that he puts right on his face. I don't know why he does this... he's weird.

I really just wish I could sleep all night. I'm up at 6am everyday now to take the girl to school and haven't been able to fall back asleep, like I use to, so by 8 at night I should be tired and I AM tired, I just can't fall asleep, not till usually after 10pm...

I just want to sleep like a normal person!!