A reflection post, one that has been very difficult to put to "paper" but one I for some reason seem to need to write...
Got a bit of writers block. Hope to be able to write soon.
In the meantime, new photos of Nova are up on her blog(or will be in a few minutes).(link is on the right side of this blog)
Seeing her, just solidifies to me that there is beauty in this world, love in this world and makes me want to work harder to bring peace to this world,so that she and any future grandchild, as well as my own children can one day know what it is like to live in a world of peace.
Peace.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
I know, I know...
I wasn't going to share pictures of Nova here, since she has her own blog Nova Leone but I couldn't resist sharing this one! I think she is actually kind of laying down on my sons lap, but I flipped it and so it looks like she is sitting up. This is Nova's week 2! Can you believe how fast that went? And still I've yet to hold her. *sighs*
Friday, October 16, 2009
Are you looking?
Did you see?
Come on.. go look. How can you NOT look at her. Go on, go over and see that baby that I ache to hold so badly.
Cause you'll want to hold her and love on her just as much as me, once you see the cuteness of my granddaughter...
HOW could you NOT!
Nova Leone
Come on.. go look. How can you NOT look at her. Go on, go over and see that baby that I ache to hold so badly.
Cause you'll want to hold her and love on her just as much as me, once you see the cuteness of my granddaughter...
HOW could you NOT!
Nova Leone
New Wordle...
I know I have lots to share, but Joe from Joe in and around Las Vegas did my wordle again. This time he did two for me and said, "Seemed to want to emphasize STUPID SISTER for some reason." LOL Probably because that was the last post I did before he did the wordles. Yes, I said wordles! He made me two this time and I love them both so am posting both. I think these things are so cool!
Enjoy! Oh and don't forget to go over to Nova Leone and check out her newest pictures. She's a week old today!
Enjoy! Oh and don't forget to go over to Nova Leone and check out her newest pictures. She's a week old today!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
My stupid sister.
My sister will be 36 in a month. This is my sister who has only one brain cell and uses only half of it. She really is that dumb, seriously. I'm not kidding... she's my half sister actually, so I suspect she got her stupid from her mother.
She was dating this guy who is a total asshole and is 63 years old (3 years younger than my father - and my sister, while stupid is very beautiful, so essentially she was his trophy girl, cause Dude, this man is UGLY and he spent most of all her money that gram left her). She finally left him in August and now, she is pregnant. As much as I adore babies (I bet you didn't know that! lol) I'm so very angry and disappointed with her right now. I haven't spoken to her in 2 months because she tried to steal my xanex and last month she stole some of my fathers pain pills. See, stupid sister, a thief and a liar to boot.
But, because she is my sister, I spoke to her yesterday. She hasn't decided what to do yet, but I reminded her that she would be tied to this asshole for at least the next 18 years if she kept the baby. She can't take care of herself,never has been able to, how is she going to take care of a child?(she lives with our dad, her mother and my daughter and there is NO room left in that house for another being, especially with all the things that baby will need!) And I have an extra room since my daughter left that I would gladly make into a nursery... so guess who will probably raise this baby should she keep it. Yep, you guessed it. Me. I would do it to, even though I am pretty much done raising children and am kind of looking forward to finally having a life again. (I would like to meet someone one day and get married again and be happy, but, what other choice do I have?) I could say no, but I wouldn't do that to an innocent child. Plus, stupid sister loves to go out nightclubbing every weekend, doing X and smoking pot and popping any ones pills she can get her hands on! What a winner of a family I have, eh? (and my Aunt just reminded me that if stupid sister couldn't take care of it, HE would never allow anyone else to and he would take it and none of us would be allowed to be involved - HOWEVER, he is strung out on prescription pills, so I might have a chance of proving him unfit, yet that would cost mucho money...god what a mess this all is)
So, right now it's all up in the air still and I'm probably stressing myself out for nothing at least for the moment... My father can not help her out not like he did when my kids were young and her mother, well she takes care of Dad pretty much 24/7 and from what I am seeing she is on the verge of a complete mental breakdown,(I am not exaggerating either, I'm totally serious) so she can't do it and there's NO WAY I will allow my daughter to raise this child, help here and there sure, but raise it. NO.
I tried not to be TO negative when speaking to stupid sister, not an easy task and sadly I wasn't very good at not being too negative...though I truly made an effort...umm...kind of... I told her I would take the baby and raise it as my own should she decide to remain pregnant, but I would expect child support from the asshole or her. I told her how very difficult and lonely and sad it is to raise a child as a single mother. I know she would love the baby, but I also know she just cannot take care of it. Oh and did I mention, she doesn't work. She's been a hairdresser for 16 or so years, has NO following and pretty much everyone in Vegas at the high end salons that she will only apply for jobs at, know her track record, her drug use and that she steals product - so she can't find a job and refuses to go to supercuts or some place like that because it is "beneath" her. (see, stupid sister)Oh yes and she owns a BMW, with a 500$ car payment that my father has been paying for, for a year now,money that he doesn't really have, so he goes without lots of things because of that. Why she didn't buy it outright in the first place, like I did with my Jeep (she had more than enough money to pay for it the day she bought it) is beyond me... see again... stupid sister. BRAINLESS and CLUELESS.
Today she said she was going to planned parenthood (but couldn't figure out how to find one, even though they have internet, so I had to find one for her) to see how far along she was and to figure out her options. I'm not opposed to abortion, but I'm not for it either as I do believe there are times when it is the best thing to do..like in cases of rape and incest and a very sick baby I am for it in those types of cases... I also reminded her about all the drugs she has done in her first trimester, which could possibly have harmed the child. So if she does keep it, it may be a special needs child which she definitely could NOT take care of, thus leaving it in my hands. I hope she thinks this one through, completely, the pros and cons of it all... but I highly doubt it, she just isn't bright enough to look at it from all directions.
I guess I will find out more later, once she returns from planned parenthood and if she decides to terminate, I will have to be the one to take her and bring her home - fun fun fun.
I'm just too tired to think straight right now, so I'm off to take a nap. As much as I would love to have another niece or nephew, I just don't think it's a good idea. I also told her that she had plenty of time to have children, that perhaps the best thing to do would be to fall in love, get married and THAN have children (to not do it like I did it - I can be stupid at times too). But she's so stupid, picks the wrong men (which is something I tend to do too, I suppose we can blame that on our father, or at least at one time we could, but we are both adults now and really have no one to blame but ourselves on that one)so who knows.
Ok, I'm falling asleep as I type this at 3pm in the afternoon, I'm off to nap. I threw my back out today and had physical therapy this morning which was pretty painful to say the least...
Oh and don't forget to check out Nova's page! Nova Leone She's still the cutest baby in the world!
She was dating this guy who is a total asshole and is 63 years old (3 years younger than my father - and my sister, while stupid is very beautiful, so essentially she was his trophy girl, cause Dude, this man is UGLY and he spent most of all her money that gram left her). She finally left him in August and now, she is pregnant. As much as I adore babies (I bet you didn't know that! lol) I'm so very angry and disappointed with her right now. I haven't spoken to her in 2 months because she tried to steal my xanex and last month she stole some of my fathers pain pills. See, stupid sister, a thief and a liar to boot.
But, because she is my sister, I spoke to her yesterday. She hasn't decided what to do yet, but I reminded her that she would be tied to this asshole for at least the next 18 years if she kept the baby. She can't take care of herself,never has been able to, how is she going to take care of a child?(she lives with our dad, her mother and my daughter and there is NO room left in that house for another being, especially with all the things that baby will need!) And I have an extra room since my daughter left that I would gladly make into a nursery... so guess who will probably raise this baby should she keep it. Yep, you guessed it. Me. I would do it to, even though I am pretty much done raising children and am kind of looking forward to finally having a life again. (I would like to meet someone one day and get married again and be happy, but, what other choice do I have?) I could say no, but I wouldn't do that to an innocent child. Plus, stupid sister loves to go out nightclubbing every weekend, doing X and smoking pot and popping any ones pills she can get her hands on! What a winner of a family I have, eh? (and my Aunt just reminded me that if stupid sister couldn't take care of it, HE would never allow anyone else to and he would take it and none of us would be allowed to be involved - HOWEVER, he is strung out on prescription pills, so I might have a chance of proving him unfit, yet that would cost mucho money...god what a mess this all is)
So, right now it's all up in the air still and I'm probably stressing myself out for nothing at least for the moment... My father can not help her out not like he did when my kids were young and her mother, well she takes care of Dad pretty much 24/7 and from what I am seeing she is on the verge of a complete mental breakdown,(I am not exaggerating either, I'm totally serious) so she can't do it and there's NO WAY I will allow my daughter to raise this child, help here and there sure, but raise it. NO.
I tried not to be TO negative when speaking to stupid sister, not an easy task and sadly I wasn't very good at not being too negative...though I truly made an effort...umm...kind of... I told her I would take the baby and raise it as my own should she decide to remain pregnant, but I would expect child support from the asshole or her. I told her how very difficult and lonely and sad it is to raise a child as a single mother. I know she would love the baby, but I also know she just cannot take care of it. Oh and did I mention, she doesn't work. She's been a hairdresser for 16 or so years, has NO following and pretty much everyone in Vegas at the high end salons that she will only apply for jobs at, know her track record, her drug use and that she steals product - so she can't find a job and refuses to go to supercuts or some place like that because it is "beneath" her. (see, stupid sister)Oh yes and she owns a BMW, with a 500$ car payment that my father has been paying for, for a year now,money that he doesn't really have, so he goes without lots of things because of that. Why she didn't buy it outright in the first place, like I did with my Jeep (she had more than enough money to pay for it the day she bought it) is beyond me... see again... stupid sister. BRAINLESS and CLUELESS.
Today she said she was going to planned parenthood (but couldn't figure out how to find one, even though they have internet, so I had to find one for her) to see how far along she was and to figure out her options. I'm not opposed to abortion, but I'm not for it either as I do believe there are times when it is the best thing to do..like in cases of rape and incest and a very sick baby I am for it in those types of cases... I also reminded her about all the drugs she has done in her first trimester, which could possibly have harmed the child. So if she does keep it, it may be a special needs child which she definitely could NOT take care of, thus leaving it in my hands. I hope she thinks this one through, completely, the pros and cons of it all... but I highly doubt it, she just isn't bright enough to look at it from all directions.
I guess I will find out more later, once she returns from planned parenthood and if she decides to terminate, I will have to be the one to take her and bring her home - fun fun fun.
I'm just too tired to think straight right now, so I'm off to take a nap. As much as I would love to have another niece or nephew, I just don't think it's a good idea. I also told her that she had plenty of time to have children, that perhaps the best thing to do would be to fall in love, get married and THAN have children (to not do it like I did it - I can be stupid at times too). But she's so stupid, picks the wrong men (which is something I tend to do too, I suppose we can blame that on our father, or at least at one time we could, but we are both adults now and really have no one to blame but ourselves on that one)so who knows.
Ok, I'm falling asleep as I type this at 3pm in the afternoon, I'm off to nap. I threw my back out today and had physical therapy this morning which was pretty painful to say the least...
Oh and don't forget to check out Nova's page! Nova Leone She's still the cutest baby in the world!
Friday, October 9, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
A New Blog
I've begun a new blog, dedicated strictly to Nova. I've just finished the first entry. You can read it at Nova Leone. The pictures I've put up on the first entry most of you have seen, but there are comments included as well. It's written as if Nova herself is writing it. It was fun to do and I hope to keep it fun, informative, loving and amazing.
I also will most likely do a semi-monthly or monthly newsletter chronically her milestones and current events that are happening in the world, so that as she gets older she will know what was going on in the world as she grew up.
My only worry is that for some reason blogger may not exist at some point in the future. I'm considering when I can afford it, creating her own domain name and moving all that I have over to it. Any other suggestions that I might be able to use?
Check it out when you have time. Comments are open, so feel free to leave comments telling her how gorgeous she is! I'm hoping to keep up with it everyday, but knowing me, it may be every other day.
Peace.
I also will most likely do a semi-monthly or monthly newsletter chronically her milestones and current events that are happening in the world, so that as she gets older she will know what was going on in the world as she grew up.
My only worry is that for some reason blogger may not exist at some point in the future. I'm considering when I can afford it, creating her own domain name and moving all that I have over to it. Any other suggestions that I might be able to use?
Check it out when you have time. Comments are open, so feel free to leave comments telling her how gorgeous she is! I'm hoping to keep up with it everyday, but knowing me, it may be every other day.
Peace.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Nova left the hospital and went to her home! Eventually, I think I will set up a separate blog dedicated to Nova. For now, bear with me as I show her off here. (for some reason blogger won't let me upload pictures, so I'll post them another time)
Oh and don't forget it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Please do your part! There's a ton of different things out there that you can purchase and the proceeds go to helping cure Breast Cancer. Today while at Sunflower Market, I noticed they had the cloth shopping bags that are pink and black. They cost me 99 cents and all proceeds go to helping find a cure. I also needed a container to drink from, since I don't buy plastic water bottles, I use a PUR pitcher, but I found this really cool water bottle, that is pink and those proceeds go to Breast Cancer cure too. It's actually pretty cool, cause it has a container in a container and doesn't sweat all over the place.. also I usually use cloth bags any ways when I shop, because plastic bags are not good for the environment, so it wasn't really frivolous to buy three of them. While I'm not a fanatic when it comes to going "green" but I do what I can. I buy green products if it is something I use.
Peace.
Oh and don't forget it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Please do your part! There's a ton of different things out there that you can purchase and the proceeds go to helping cure Breast Cancer. Today while at Sunflower Market, I noticed they had the cloth shopping bags that are pink and black. They cost me 99 cents and all proceeds go to helping find a cure. I also needed a container to drink from, since I don't buy plastic water bottles, I use a PUR pitcher, but I found this really cool water bottle, that is pink and those proceeds go to Breast Cancer cure too. It's actually pretty cool, cause it has a container in a container and doesn't sweat all over the place.. also I usually use cloth bags any ways when I shop, because plastic bags are not good for the environment, so it wasn't really frivolous to buy three of them. While I'm not a fanatic when it comes to going "green" but I do what I can. I buy green products if it is something I use.
Peace.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Breast Cancer Awareness Month
Oct is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. While I am one of the lucky ones and have never had to deal with breast cancer myself, I have 2 close friends who both have had to have mastectomies due to breast cancer. One is a fairly new friend, I've known her about 3 years, I met her when she first was diagnoised and she was going through chemo, was bald and would wear these beautiful scarfs on her head but was FULL of life, defying all odds. She's an awesome person, early 50's and I just LOVE to go out with her now for karaoke. She looked it in the eye and said, "YOU will NOT kill me" and it didn't.
She began the process of a new boob, had some trouble and set back but now is on the right track again...
And then there is my oldest friend in the world. We met when we were 15. Our bdays are only 5 days apart. We met in Scotsdale Az for the one year we attended boarding school (at the insistence of my grandmother, since I'd been living on the street for nearly a year) My friend, has had a difficult time health wise. First at age 36, she had twin boys who passed at 1 day and 4 days it broke her heart as she had been trying for years to have children. Then diagonized with Breast Cancer. She had a double mastectomie and went through chemo. She and my other friend are surviours thank you to the technalogy these days. A bout of depression over whelmed her and then all of the sudden she was preganent again and is now the proud mother of an 7 year old beautiful girl, Hannah. She's doing awesome and is in remission as his my other friend, but that doesn't mean the fight is over.
Today, my contribution to help finacially was to purchase pink reuseable marketing bags which are way cool. As well as a few other items that will benefit Susan B Golmam (spelling?) fund.
What have you done to help raise money?
She began the process of a new boob, had some trouble and set back but now is on the right track again...
And then there is my oldest friend in the world. We met when we were 15. Our bdays are only 5 days apart. We met in Scotsdale Az for the one year we attended boarding school (at the insistence of my grandmother, since I'd been living on the street for nearly a year) My friend, has had a difficult time health wise. First at age 36, she had twin boys who passed at 1 day and 4 days it broke her heart as she had been trying for years to have children. Then diagonized with Breast Cancer. She had a double mastectomie and went through chemo. She and my other friend are surviours thank you to the technalogy these days. A bout of depression over whelmed her and then all of the sudden she was preganent again and is now the proud mother of an 7 year old beautiful girl, Hannah. She's doing awesome and is in remission as his my other friend, but that doesn't mean the fight is over.
Today, my contribution to help finacially was to purchase pink reuseable marketing bags which are way cool. As well as a few other items that will benefit Susan B Golmam (spelling?) fund.
What have you done to help raise money?
Nova going home.
Look how cute and alert this grandchild of mine is! Heh. I love her more and more..
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Technically...
Because of my bipolar, anxieties and my inability to leave my house without anti-anxiety meds, I qualify for a service monkey.
Yes, I said, monkey. Shut up.
The boy said he would run away from home if I got a monkey. He doesn't know that getting a monkey only appeals more to me after saying that. I said I LOVE my kids more than anything, but I never said I want them to LIVE with me forever - though I do miss my daughter a ton since she moved to her grandfathers but still.. a trained service monkey!
I know, I know... I hear the same things in my head. Primates are wild animals and shouldn't be domesticated, blah blah blah. My children aren't very domesticated, so how domesticated do you think I could get a monkey!
I'm having a bit of separation anxiety since my daughter moved to dads house and not being able to hold Nova and thinking about how in only 4 short years the boy will be 18 and wanting to move out too. I'm feeling the empty nest thing earlier than I suppose I should be and wanting someone to be here with me... Maybe if I had a life or a relationship maybe I wouldn't feel like this. I don't know.
This is life in the empty lane. *sighs*
Yes, I said, monkey. Shut up.
The boy said he would run away from home if I got a monkey. He doesn't know that getting a monkey only appeals more to me after saying that. I said I LOVE my kids more than anything, but I never said I want them to LIVE with me forever - though I do miss my daughter a ton since she moved to her grandfathers but still.. a trained service monkey!
I know, I know... I hear the same things in my head. Primates are wild animals and shouldn't be domesticated, blah blah blah. My children aren't very domesticated, so how domesticated do you think I could get a monkey!
I'm having a bit of separation anxiety since my daughter moved to dads house and not being able to hold Nova and thinking about how in only 4 short years the boy will be 18 and wanting to move out too. I'm feeling the empty nest thing earlier than I suppose I should be and wanting someone to be here with me... Maybe if I had a life or a relationship maybe I wouldn't feel like this. I don't know.
This is life in the empty lane. *sighs*
Love.
Loving someone is never an easy deal, other than my own children and even at times they make it difficult to love them but I do always no matter what.
I never thought though, that I would love someone MORE than I love my own children, flesh of my flesh, born from me... but I do.
Yet, it isn't the same. It's a powerful love that I have for this tiny being I've yet to hold, almost an obsession or perhaps not even almost.. I AM obsessed with this little chubby cheeked human.
I'm constantly checking my email and facebook page for new photos of her and if I don't see any, I just open the folder up that I have with the pictures I have of her or I come here and read my blog, not to mention all the phone calls I've been making to my son when I DON'T see new pictures up, leaving him messages to post more pictures. Soon, he will be building a web page devoted just to Nova, but until then I'm at his mercy for photos which definitely are not coming fast enough for me!
What's going to happen when I finally am able to hold her and love on her and then have to leave her behind? My heart will be ripped apart, I just know it. If I thought I could stand it, I would move to Ventura County, Ca just to be next to her... but then I would also have to be near my mother, my ex husband and his wife and that would spoil it all for me.. no positive energy from any of those people.
They leave the hospital tomorrow, mama, daddy and baby. My DIL had to stay in the hospital for 3 days due to the c-section, which was odd to me, since my daughter was c-section and I think I was in the hospital only for 2 days - but who knows. At least they had people there to help them the first few days if they needed it, answer questions they might have, like Nova lost a pound and while I can tell them that's normal, they were more comfortable hearing it from a nurse, so it all works out well in the end.
I'm obsessed with my granddaughter and it's killing me to not be able to just run on over and hold her and kiss her and squish her fat cheeks. *sigh*
I never thought though, that I would love someone MORE than I love my own children, flesh of my flesh, born from me... but I do.
Yet, it isn't the same. It's a powerful love that I have for this tiny being I've yet to hold, almost an obsession or perhaps not even almost.. I AM obsessed with this little chubby cheeked human.
I'm constantly checking my email and facebook page for new photos of her and if I don't see any, I just open the folder up that I have with the pictures I have of her or I come here and read my blog, not to mention all the phone calls I've been making to my son when I DON'T see new pictures up, leaving him messages to post more pictures. Soon, he will be building a web page devoted just to Nova, but until then I'm at his mercy for photos which definitely are not coming fast enough for me!
What's going to happen when I finally am able to hold her and love on her and then have to leave her behind? My heart will be ripped apart, I just know it. If I thought I could stand it, I would move to Ventura County, Ca just to be next to her... but then I would also have to be near my mother, my ex husband and his wife and that would spoil it all for me.. no positive energy from any of those people.
They leave the hospital tomorrow, mama, daddy and baby. My DIL had to stay in the hospital for 3 days due to the c-section, which was odd to me, since my daughter was c-section and I think I was in the hospital only for 2 days - but who knows. At least they had people there to help them the first few days if they needed it, answer questions they might have, like Nova lost a pound and while I can tell them that's normal, they were more comfortable hearing it from a nurse, so it all works out well in the end.
I'm obsessed with my granddaughter and it's killing me to not be able to just run on over and hold her and kiss her and squish her fat cheeks. *sigh*
Saturday, October 3, 2009
How can you NOT...
Think this is the most gorgeous baby ever born! Cuter even than the children I gave birth to and one of them is her daddy! Ha!
Friday, October 2, 2009
Can you say....hmm.. not sure WHAT to say
I'm SO sick of all the Jon and Kate plus 8 stuff, however..
Look closely. Closer. CLOSER. See it? I know you do.
Does anyone proofread anymore? Bet he doesn't even know how to spell epiphany, even though he can say the word.
Guess what...
If you guessed, "more pictures of Nova" then you are right! I can't help it, she's just too cute to not share with everyone! So, here she is again being the good little girl she already is. MAN I WISH I WAS THERE!!! Look at those fat cheeks!
8 pounds, 20 1/2 inches
BIG baby! She's perfect in every way! I can't wait to be able to squish her face and nibble on her toes. My son is showing some hmm.. modesty in his picture taking. LOL I have nudes of all my kids when they were first born and older... LOVE the green bow!
Tell me this isn't the cutest baby ever born! HA! I can't stop looking at her and the tears keep rolling. This little life is going to call me Gamma one day. Whew.
Tell me this isn't the cutest baby ever born! HA! I can't stop looking at her and the tears keep rolling. This little life is going to call me Gamma one day. Whew.
Introducing!!!!!!!!!
Nova Leone. Don't ask me how much she weighs or how big she is cause my son hasn't told me yet. He posted this picture to his facebook page so this is all I have right now but I'm sure to have tons more later.
She was a c-section about 15 minutes or so ago! Of course she is the most beautiful baby in the whole world.
Heh. I'm. A. Grandma.
She was a c-section about 15 minutes or so ago! Of course she is the most beautiful baby in the whole world.
Heh. I'm. A. Grandma.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
3:30am induced...
They are inducing my DIL at 3:30am this morning. They say so that she'll have Chewy tomorrow afternoon.
Oh (lol) oh (lol) oh (lol) oh (lol) <--me jumping up and down with giggles and anticipation. Nice visual, eh?
Got permission to post her pictures here, so as soon as I have some, I'll be plastering this blog with them!
Oh (lol) oh (lol) oh (lol) oh (lol) <--me jumping up and down with giggles and anticipation. Nice visual, eh?
Got permission to post her pictures here, so as soon as I have some, I'll be plastering this blog with them!
Soon!
My DIL is at the hospital to have her cervix dialated! If that doesn't send her into labor, they will induce her tomorrow!
(does the happy dance) I'm going to be a grandma tonight or tomorrow! WooHoo!!
(does the happy dance) I'm going to be a grandma tonight or tomorrow! WooHoo!!
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