Bah

I'm SO exhausted. I've been cleaning, doing laundry, helping my father up and down, running around for the stepmother and basically not getting any real time for myself. The stepmom has been pretty nasty today, screeching and hollering and just all around being a bitch.

I understand she is under a lot of stress, I really do. But my sister and I are there to help (my sister is her biological daughter) and we are doing everything we possibly can, yet we are being treated like shit.

And now... my father thinks I should bring the cats back to Vegas. Oy Vey!! They are finally getting used to being back with him, behaving themselves, but he can't feed them or change his litter box, which means the stepmother must do these things... so what, it takes about 5-8 minutes in the morning to do this and she is complaining that she has to take care of them and my father. WTF? She can't find 6-8 minutes out of the morning, to take care of his cats that make him so happy?

Not to mention they are trying to lease their townhouse in Vegas. Where are those cats going to go when they lease it? I can't take them. I've 6 of my own, plus 3 dogs, not to mention those cats really do not like anyone but my father. So, I don't know what to do... the only reason I came down here, was to bring the cats and it was my freaking stepmothers idea to do it and now she is bitching.

I go home tomorrow. The boy stays. I need to get home in time to get to FedEx in order to send his birth certificate and a few others things so that he can fly home.

We are all stressed out and it's wearing on me pretty bad. I see the edge and I want to jump. I don't want to come out here again, but I can hear the stepmother in my mind telling me how selfish I am... Yeah, I'm selfish. I have children to take care of and I need my strength or I won't be any good to anyone. Stress causes my bipolar to act up worse than normal and when that happens, I'm a mess and again, no good to anyone.

I wish I had something positive to share. I love my father, but I don't want to be here not with him so sick, not with the stepmother screeching at us. I just want to be home, with my daughter, my son and my animals. In my own bed, in my own home, in my own life. This is no life for me. See, selfish. But, if I can't take care of myself, which happens when my bipolar goes into full swing, I can't take care of anyone else. My children suffer, my father suffers, my friends suffer, I'm just no good.

I have a wake up call for 8am and hope to leave here by 9pm, go to the hospital (dad has a doctors appointment at 9) say goodbye and I love you to him and be on the road before 10am. That should put me home around 3 or 4 as long as I don't hit a ton of traffic (which is why I am leaving on a Monday, instead of yesterday to avoid the Christmas traffic)

Say a pray or positive thoughts for me that my trip back will be quick and easy.