Violence and the right to keep and bear arms.

I've written a few pieces on violence, specifically, Domestic Violence. The two pieces I've written in the last two years are published on the internet, however, due to the graphic nature of them, I'm not going to provide a link for them here... but, I am a writer and it's what I do, to purge, to live, to learn, to share - for hope, for peace, for faith, for love.. for me.

When I left my daughters father, I never thought I would be abused by a man again. And until a little over a week ago, I wasn't - well, not physically. And then came my so called 'friend' who let's face it, shouldn't have been in my life in the first place. He's an alcoholic. I can say that - because I am one too. A few weeks ago, he drank (as usual), become belligerent and violent towards me (something even in all his drunken stupors has never done), my sons friend and my son. He is now sitting in a jail cell waiting for his hearing that I will have to testify at on August 31st. Am I scared? Certainly. If they kick him out that day, I don't know what he will do. He'll most likely have money, go get shit drunk and in a fight with someone (hopefully not me - though there is a protection order in place) But, really, I don't want to write about all that, what happened no longer matters, only that it happened. And quite possibly has changed me forever.

One of my very good friends, calls me a tree hugger. And I guess he is correct. After all, I have on my Jeep- teach peace as well as, "why do we kill people, who kill people, to show killing people is wrong". I have on my mirror in my room a peace sign, a sticker that says, "war doesn't show who is right, only who is left". And my favorite, "Make love, not war" I wear a silver peace sign around my neck at all times. I even have a peace sign tattoo'd on the inside of my left arm and a peace dove tattoo'd on my neck.

But, now, I don't think I'm so much of a tree hugger. I've been pushed into a position to go against the things that I stand for, because there is far too much violence in this world and because I must protect myself but mostly, I must protect my boyo, my flesh and blood from any more violence. I have a gun, currently not in my home. Next week, I intend on registering it. I intend on learning how to shoot it and I intend on using it, if my boyo or me are in danger. I WILL use it.

I couldn't and probably wouldn't have said that a month ago. Because I don't believe that violence against violence is right. And I still don't believe that. However, if my boyo is in any danger, I must protect him. I am his mother, aren't I supposed to protect him in anyway I can?

I have the right to bear arms. I have the right to use those arms should I be in danger. Yet, I'm told that if I don't kill an intruder, if I simply shoot him in the leg, so my boyo and I can get to safety, I can be sued. That makes no sense to me.

I quote, in part:
"The Second Amendment (Amendment II) to the United States Constitution is the part of the United States Bill of Rights that protects the right of the people to keep and bear arms. It was adopted on December 15, 1791, along with the rest of the Bill of Rights.
In 2008 and 2010, the Supreme Court issued two Second Amendment decisions. In District of Columbia v. Heller (2008), the Court ruled that the Second Amendment protects an individual's right to possess a firearm, unconnected to service in a militia[1][2] and to use that arm for traditionally lawful purposes, such as self-defense within the home."

"THE SECOND AMENDMENT PROTECTS AN INDIVIDUALS RIGHT TO POSSESS A FIREARM, UNCONNECTED TO SERVICE IN MILITIA AND TO USE THAT ARM FOR TRADITIONALLY LAWFUL PURPOSES, SUCH AS SELF-DEFENSE WITHIN THE HOME."

Sorry you had to read that part twice, but it's important. Self-defense within the home. Why would I be sued, if I am using my firearm, registered to me, for self-defense in my home. Someone, anyone, explain it to me. Tell me like I am a 4 year old, tell me why I can't protect my boyo and me, in my home without the fear of being sued or possibly going to jail?

If it means going to jail for the rest of my life. I will. To protect my boyo, I will use it and if I have to spend the rest of my life in jail, than so be it. He is what is important. I've lived my life. I've seen much of the world. His has just begun and I will NOT allow ANYONE to be violent towards him.

I'd rather be a tree hugger. But, as I said, I've been placed in a position that goes against all I believe in, to protect my boyo from harm, I will come down from that tree, if only for a moment and exercise my right, as an American, provided to me by the Bill of Rights for the United States of America and protect my boyo in a way that I am not comfortable with, but I'll do it. I will. And, I won't miss. Then maybe, I can go back to being a tree hugger, even if I am in jail.

Because that's really who I am.

See that sign on the right of my blog?

The one called, Violence Unsilenced? See it? Over there? Not hard to miss. Have you ever wondered why I have it there?

I was a battered woman. I have what is called, Battered Woman Syndrome. It is quite possible that that is the main reason I do not do relationships well, a trust issue perhaps, though who knows since I never went into therapy for it. Writing was my therapy, always. Anger is my lifeline these days. As my life begins to crumble in ways I seemingly have no control over, anger keeps me alive, lets me know I am alive.

Sept 3rd, my story will be out there for all to see. I'm not afraid or ashamed anymore, but I am still angry. I have a loathing for people that is unmistakable and unbearable at times, though most tell me and others I am the nicest person they know... but if you do not know me, I come off as aloof, standoffish and often defensive. If I let you into my life, beyond the circle of boundaries that I have, its because I have watched you closely for a long time and if you screw up, I'm gone and done with you.

If I dont know you and you screw up, I am angry and it shows. If you dont know me, you are afraid of me. I am tough, strong, angry and pissed off at the world and it shows. If you don't know me you ask people that do know me and like me, how they can like me. They will tell you I am a giving, caring and loving person... but if you dont know me, you dont see that.

I dont mean to sound like Im the best there is, but few people are allowed into my world, my real world, not my blog world. I have few friends and then there are those that want to be my friend. Those people I look at, I watch and I wonder, why in the world do they want to be friends with me. I'm nothing special. Im a failure at nearly everything I do and I can be a shitty friend, losing touch with those that have been allowed into my life.. that is how "I" see me.

I use to pride myself on the self control I had around those that are idiots. Now, not so much. I dont hide my loathing well, perhaps that is because I am 45 years old now and simply to not wish to play the game. And sometimes, I honestly believe that those I love would be better off without me.

There's more, but its painful new things that have happened that I just do not want to share right now. When the pain begins to subside, I may be able to put the words to paper. For now, I will leave it at this.

So, Sept 3rd, please go to the link on the right and read my story, maybe you will gain some insight into why I am so angry, why I am so hard to get to know and why you must be so very special if I call you friend.

I made a promise..

To Maggie of Okay,fine,dammit that I would participate/contribute to her project, Violence Unsilenced.

Though it's been years since my DV (domestic violence) experince, it feels like yesterday still. The wounds are still raw, thus I haven't been able to begin telling my story, but I promised, so I will be doing it.

I'll even think about posting it here, once it's done. It may be pretty graphic, however I cannot sugar coat it. It's important that others know, they are not alone, that there are ways out and they never have to live that kind of life again, afraid for their lives and even their childrens lives.

I've added her button to the site on top of everything else, as you can see.. that's how important it is to me.

If you are a survivor of DV, if you are going through it now and don't know how to get out of it and would like to contribute your story, please contact Maggie at one of the links I've provided above, or click on her button. You can submit your story anonomously if you are still in the relationship, she will protect your anonimity.