I told him that he was the first man in 2o years that I had been able to open up to and that any time I had with him was what I wanted. We will move slower this time. I decided that I was going to do things different on my end as well. I do not call him, unless he asks me to call him. He however calls me everyday and while we don't see each other everyday, I am okay with this, taking it slow this time. He tells me he loves me, he tells me he missed me every moment I was gone, that he thought about me all the time. I love him, but I am keeping my heart close to my soul and not opening it up fully this time, not yet, not now, perhaps eventually I will - well, yes, I will if it continues, but I do have a small wall built up - I have a feeling he knows it, cause he too is different. Rather than me always the one to go to him and kiss him, he comes to me, he pulls me close to him, he takes my hand in his when we are out (we've only been to the market and the bar that one time for superbowl) but HE is the one that shows all the affection. I return it, but I don't initiate it as I did before. Marriage is not brought up and I will NOT be the one to bring it up. I spent Sunday night with him and he gave me his house key. Last time, I gave him mine, but not this time. I'm waiting.
I believe in second chances, but I also believe that I need to keep myself at a distance for now. He will NOT hurt me again, even should he break up with me again, I will not allow it. I'm doing my best to think positive, to believe him when he says he was miserable without me.. why would he say that if he wasn't, yet he still does not get my house key this time.
My family and some friends have berated me, telling me I'm stupid, not in those words but close enough. Pissed me off that right now I'm not talking to any of them. I was happy with him, very happy and so sad when not with him... AND since the time I spent with Tessa's father, I was able to close that chapter finally. While I still care about him, that intense feeling I had for him is no longer there and I've finally figured out that I would not take him back should he and his girlfriend break up - I love him because he is my daughters father and he is doing his best to show us that he is a changed man, which he is, but I'm no longer in love with him. Finally. If I can give him a second chance, there's no reason why I cannot give local guy a second chance.
I finally got the pictures of our visit with him and will post a few after this post. Being with local guy, who I will call Tom, since that's his name, feels right, feels so right...