Dad

I'm so use to going to him with things both good and bad. I'm use to telling him things and listening to his well meant but sometimes brutal advice.

I can't do that anymore. I can't stress him out with my stuff. I'm okay with that. But now I stress out about him and when I voice my concern about anything, I get chewed out by nearly everyone.

Example. Today I took my daughter to try and get her drivers license. Woke up at 7am (and if you know me at all you know that I am NOT a morning person) picked her up at Dads. She's afraid to drive my jeep, its too big for her she says so we took his Toyota. I couldn't figure out why she was having such a time with the brakes (I let her drive to one of the DMVs) and was trying to tell her to go easy on them...

The first DMV was way to busy and no parking places so I got behind the wheel to take us to a different one and found out why she was having such trouble with the brakes. THEY ARE GOING OUT! I know a bit about cars so this had me concerned.

We get to the other DMV and we find out that his license plates have been suspended since August 26th. WTF? Clearly an insurance error, but the child couldn't take the test in that car so we headed back to Dads.

Oh and let me explain this. The half an artificial heart implanted in him also comes with this wire that comes out of his stomach and attaches to these HUGE batteries that only last 4 hours, so he has to carry extras with him wherever he goes, but also he is not allowed to get any of that wet (making it difficult to take showers and be outside when it rains)...

After we drop his car back off and I explain to my stepmother that the brakes are bad, she tells me that she thought so but since she doesn't know anything about cars she let it go.. okay understandable... but I don't want my father or my kid in that car, plus - when my daughter hit some water turning right, the tires slid which tells me that the tires tread isn't up to par...

My aunt took Dad to the Lab to get some blood work done and I came home after a brief workout in the pool. As I'm watching TV they broadcast a severe thunderstorm warning for us. I call my father and ask him if he is home yet he says no, they are now eating lunch out. I tell him about the rain coming and he assures me that they will wait at the restaurant till it stops...

20 minutes later it's pouring down here. I call again, making sure he is okay and find he is in the car. I don't know what car, I ask "In the Toyota?" he mumbles something to me that sounded like yes and I said Dad, the brakes are bad and it's pouring rain please tell whoever is driving (I didn't know it was my aunt or stepmother) to be careful. The next thing I know my aunt is on the phone with me yelling at me not to tell my father what is wrong with the car.

WTF? I can't do anything right, obviously. A week ago my stepmother kicked me out of the house because I was yelling at my sister for trying to steal my xanex from me and I caught her in the act... and this bitch that lives in the complex of my fathers, LOCKED ME OUT OF MY FAMILIES HOUSE! I'm told she was reamed for it, told she wasn't family and I was and that she needs to stay out of it and I'm told that my stepmother also reamed my sister for trying to steal from me AGAIN.. but still I am always the bad guy it seems.

I worry about my father and express it and get reamed. I stay away from the family so as not to get reamed and get reamed.

I can't win for fucking losing.

I must leave this town, leave this negativity soon or I don't know what I'm going to do. I no longer speak to my sister, if you remember last year at my boys wedding she broke into my hotel room and stole a full bottle of Valium (which I had just refilled and usually lasts me about 3 months) and I stopped speaking to her for 4 months till she said she was getting clean and sober - which she didn't do. The Friday before the incident in my house, she was smoking pot in front of my boy. I don't smoke pot, well about at his age I did for a few months but never liked it and he's not exposed to it at home, but she's never hidden the fact that she does and lets just say that and the stealing from me, is the last straw. I'm done. I was told she was going to move down to Tucson but now I hear she is staying in Vegas, so life here will be difficult at best, between her and now my aunt and as always my stepmother...

Fuck. I'm 45 years old. When does this end?

When I get out of Vegas I bet. Just like it did when I was gone before.

That's got to be the plan. Leave. Just a matter of where, when and how. Mostly where. The when will have to wait till the boy graduates Junior High next June and the how should be okay when I get my settlement from my car accident before then...

Anyone have any suggestions? Beach and snow that's what I look for.

Peace.