R.I.P

Ted and Eunice Kennedy..

They will be missed.

I have some painful things to share with you, however above that pain I am in tremendous anger, thus it is not the time to share this.

I will.

I promise.

Blizzard...

My cat Blizzard died. A few months ago. He was a special cat. Just 2 years old actually. When he was born, he was white with back legs that were deformed, they were like rabbits not like cats. I didn't think anyone would want him, so I kept him for myself. He loved only me. He hated anyone that came in my room or sat on my bed or the few times when men stayed over, he would be very angry! He would not speak to me for days, speaking I mean coming up to me and rubbing his face in my face.

I could make kissy noises with my mouth and he would come to me, rub his head on my face and loved kisses. Blizzard saved my life I believe a few times. When I was heavier, I would stop breathing at night and Blizzard always woke me up, scratching my face. I would wake up coughing and spitting from not being able to breathe, always with Blizzard right at my face, paws on it, meowing.

I came home one morning from an all nighter and my son had been awake all night waiting for me to get home. I missed Blizzard by an hour. He died in my sons arms. His legs had become normal as he grew, but my son said that night his legs went back the way they were when he was born, deformed. He couldn't walk and he couldn't move. I still do not know what happened to him and I miss him still very much.

My girl cat was pregnant, with Blizzards babies, when Blizzard died. I have 4 white kittens, 2 all white and 2 that look similar to Blizzard, kind of Siamese looking. None with his personality, but I'm hard pressed to give them all away. I can't keep them all, but I would love to. They aren't very friendly truth be told, but I may keep one of them, if we can figure out which one is a boy.

Just catching a bit up in the fast lane.

Catching up

Theres a lot of things I need to write about, to catch you all up with. I hope to be doing that in the next few days. Life hasn't all been bad the last few months and I would really like to share the good things too...

So, I will.

Monday morning came and...

I was having chest pains. Been having them for over a month. So, I took myself to the ER and 12 hours later found myself in a room on the cardio ward.

Tuesday morning came and they did a stress test. Which came out abnormal. The doctor and I spoke and I had him talked into letting me leave and do an outpatient procedure, but my father called as we were talking and he wanted to be put on speaker phone.

The good thing was I had NOT had a heart attack. The bad thing was, I COULD have one if I went home and waited to have the procedure, so I ended up staying at the hospital. I was NOT happy, but understood that if the doctor hadn't felt there was a risk of a heart attack, he would have let me go home yesterday.

This morning, I went in for an angiogram. They found an artery that was clogged and unclogged it. It was a very uncomfortable procedure, but not painful. I was pretty scared and alone. I've bruises all over my arms, from IV's and blood work. My potassium levels are real low and my cholesterol levels are really really really high. Even though I do not eat like I use to and have lost over 100 pounds now, apparently my cholesterol problem is genetic. I also found out that my mother has what she calls a spastic heart as it turns out, so do I. The one thing I inherited from my mother. Figures. And apparently, my grams cholesterol was always in the 800's, though she took excellent care of herself, thus I inherited the high cholesterol from her!

Tonight, I have finally returned home. It feels so nice to be in my own bed. I'm on bed rest for a week. No walking too much, no lifting anything. I now must carry with me nitro and take cholesterol pills. I'll probably go to the vitamin store next week and get potassium pills, though doctor did say I could control that by eating foods high in potassium, such as watermelon, cantaloupe and bananas. But just to be safe, I think I'm going to take the pills if they sell them.

So that's it in a nutshell. Life in my fast lane has been a mess now for a few years...

I wonder if it will ever get better again.

I'm alive.

Been without internet or computer for a while. Long story short.. money.

Not sure how much I will contribute here right now, things are really messed up at home finacially and other things. Oh how I wish I could leave this town and start new.

My father will be returning to Vegas this month 2 days before my 45th birthday. He never received the heart transplant as he became too sick for it and was removed from the UNO'S list. They did place a LVAD wire in him and now he is limited in all that he does.

I will be grandmother soon. Sept 26th, my granddaughter Nova Ruby is to join us in this world. I am very excited.

Right now it's 4am and I am on my sleep cycle of sleeping during the day and up all night again. I can't seem to break it as hard as I try.

I am sorry to those that I owe things to from Monday Giveaway. Currently I do not have the money for postage and packing materials. I just barely have enough to pay bills and buy food for the kids. I'm not even sure I'll be able to keep my internet on again, but cross our fingers that I can.

I'm off to try to sleep. More later.