Disappointment

Dad was on standby yesterday. They had a heart. If it wasn't a good one for this one guy, then Dad would get it... it was a fit for the other guy. I know I should be happy that someones husband, brother, father and son has a new chance at a good life, but really I'm just so selfish that I wish it wouldn't have been a fit... the man was sicker than my father...

But I ask, how much sicker than Dad can someone be? His heart functions at less than 10%, it is only the meds that keep him alive now. HOW MUCH SICKER DOES HE HAVE TO GET?

I want to just shake the doctors... shaking doctor syndrome heh.. maybe then he'll get a heart..

Weird thing is, I didn't find this out till this morning, but had a dream last night, 2 dates came to mind during my dream Jan 15th and Jan 22nd. Today's the 16th, so I guess my dream date kind of came true. My sister had a dream too, with the date of Feb 15th, so maybe, just maybe a heart will become available between the 22nd of Jan and the 15th of Feb... I do hope it is sooner, the sooner he gets it, the better chance he will be able to attend his only granddaughters graduation. They are both bummed that he may not be able to attend, though I assured him that I would be taking lots of pictures... it's just not the same though, you know? They are very very close, he has been a father figure for her and one day she wants him to walk her down the aisle when she gets married (that won't be for a long time though, she has other plans first)

So, please keep sending prayers, positive thoughts and light candles, or whatever you may do when helping others. I really do appreciate it. Alot.