"I think about you all the time" "I love you" "I can't handle having a girlfriend" "I can't take care of me right now and so I can't take care of you" "It's not you, it's me"
Oh there's so much more. What there wasn't from me was tears. Questions, but not tears. I waited till I left for those to come. He says we can be friends, I said, no thank you. He said, "If I get to missing you real bad I'll call" I said, don't bother.
He couldn't look at me when he was talking to me. I asked him, please look at me while we are talking - "I can't, it hurts to much".
I'm trying to get back on balance and catch my breath.
If one more person tells me when one door closes, another opens, I'll crack them in the head. Doors bolted shut and windows are nailed down - finished.
It hurts, I feel like my heart was ripped out of my chest and stomped on than replaced.
Oh - to top everything else - last month my daughters father found us. The one man I've loved for 20 years and all of the sudden he comes back into our lives, a changed man from the one I knew back than a better man - I'll write more about it another time.