Me: So do you have a girlfriend up there?
Dude: No. No one in my life right now.
Was taking a long time to respond to my IM's, so I asked him if I should leave him alone, since it seemed he was busy..
Dude: No. Just distracted. Filling out form for new passport.
Me: You going overseas?
Dude: Thinking about going to camean (spelled wrong by him)islands for a diving vacation.
Me: *as the air goes out of my body and I sort of slump over* Oh. Sounds nice.
Dude: Not busy at the shop right now, going to put a sign up by appointment only. Thinking since my surgery, that life is too short, time for adventures. (not verbatim on this one, but close enough)
Me: I'm sure you'll have fun.
And from there, the conversation pretty much ended for about 5 minutes..
Dude: Need to go to bed, have to be up at 5am. There's something I want us to do next visit. (again, not verbatim, I've taken out the actual "thing" to keep some of my privacy and his)
Me: Ok, goodnight.
Dude: Night baby.
My mind is going a mile a minute. Just told me that you are going on a diving vacation, but you can't come see me because of work all the time and the shop being busy, can't go there, because you don't bring women home with your 17 year old there (who btw is at his girlfriends house more often than not)
I believe him when he says that he hasn't anyone in his life up there. Yet, regardless of the fact that he contacts me, I never make the initiative to contact him, perhaps he's just not that into me. Though it wouldn't be difficult to get me out of his life, just tell me or even quit contacting me. I'm not a fool, I don't chase men and if someone doesn't want me in their lives, they simply need to just say so. It's all really simple and not messy at all. That's why I had such a hard time with Joe. He needed to lie about his pulling away from me, rather than telling me the truth... and once you know me, even for a short time, you can tell right away that I'm not needy clingy and pretty independent. I rarely ask for anything from any man in my life, well that doesn't include Glen, but that's a different relationship than any others, we give and take to and from each other all the time.
Just be honest. My feelings might get hurt, but more than likely they won't. Shit, if someone doesn't want to be with me, I can't make them. I learned that in my early 20's for cripes sake.
See, always on the edge of insanity.