Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Honesty

I'm a firm believer in Honesty. Honesty in all things, so here goes.

I've been sick. Not the physical sick. But mentally sick. It's the bipolar and has consumed me. I went off my meds because I thought I was getting better. Today, I was unable to stop crying and when I called my doctor her office was already closed. I will call tomorrow.

I am seriously considering committing myself into the hospital for a few days, but am worried about my kids. Both have assured me that they will be fine, but that won't keep me from worrying about them and that's not going to get me better.

I've contemplated suicide more than once in my life and that's where I am now. I'm lonely, I'm depressed, worried about my father and so many other things going on that I just don't want to list.

If you have a comment that is nasty, don't post it.. I'll remove it and leave you one that will tear you to shreds.

I'm just trying to be honest with where I am right now...

4 comments:

lisa24n7 said...

Hey there my new blogging friend, thanks for your honesty. I can understand how you feel and sure won't give you the 'don't go off your meds when you feel better' speech. I did the same several times but always ended up back in a slump. I'm not bi-polar, but do have issues with ptsd, panic disorder and depression. Was lucky enough to get the right therapist for me after a lot of years of suffering. Doing well now and that is what I would and will wish for you...hang in there. Happy to hear your kids are supportive of your getting help. That's a real plus- shows you have raised them to be compassionate to another's feelings. Way to go Mom! Keep things in this moment for tonite and please do call your dr. tomorrow. Let us know how you're doing. Hugs from someone who understands.

Nerdy Jess said...

Hey there. I saw you over on Blog Stalkers. I too suffer from bipolar disorder; it's a pain and very hard to live with. I applaud you for calling your doc and thinking about help. I feel, sometimes, with this disorder its easy to think of suicide, but I think your making the right choice. I want to be off my meds too, but for me, its just too dangerous. Feel free to message me if you want to talk about it.. Take care of yourself and *hugs*

-Nerdy

annie kelleher said...

i am so sorry you are feeling so awful. i too have struggled with feelings of depression and thoughts of suicide on and off at different periods of my life - sometimes when others would've thought i should've been the most happy. you are not alone in how you feel. i would be happy to offer any assistance to you that i can... please email me if you would like a reading - no charge. sending you prayers and hugs... xoxox... annie

The Girl You Don't Bring Home to Momma said...

Get back on those meds. Never stop taking them because you feel better. You feel better because you are taking them. If you feel like your going to hurt yourself, check in immediately. I think the kids will understand your getting help as opposed to suicide. Good luck, I hope you start to feel better soon.